Jared Meyer's Blog

Focused on Facebook & Tied To Twitter

2010-01-05T21:34:00.000-08:00

Due to "Opportunity Overload," I've decided to share focus my creative contributions via Facebook and Twitter. Join me over there and let's continue to look at things differently, make better decisions and keep learning from our compelling conversations. - Jared

Twitter
http://twitter.com/jaredmeyer

Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/jaredmeyer

My Latest Philosophy on Relationships

2010-01-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

I spoke to one of my closest friends, Liam Dunfey, today and he shared with me his strong interest in writing a book. We discussed possible topics and he quickly determined that the topic of relationships resonates the most to him. Since I've known him, Liam has emphasized making connections and maintaining relationships with people. I, too, see the value in having relationships with people, but have never truly invested in them as much as I would have liked.

One of my goals this year is to finally begin cultivating relationships with those people whom I'm already connected. I'm also preparing to start new relationships. One of the challenges that I see stems from what I refer to as "opportunity overload." I could literally spend hours upon hours interacting and connecting with 100s of 1000s of people. It would appear to be a lot of work to maintain those relationships. I suppose the alternative is making sales calls. If so, it's time for some authentic "online social networking."

Business relationships aside, there remains what most people would find important - the evaluation of personal relationships. With regard to family, I remain convinced that just because you're related, it doesn't mean you have to be in an active relationship with them. In the event that there's little chemistry and compatibility, you've basically got a rare and solid tie to someone with one very strong connection. I don't think people should feel obligated to pretend to like and spend time with those they're simply related to in this day and age.

As for romantic relationships, I'm one of those relatively independent, detached, often unemotional people that is very comfortable, satisfied, and happy not being in a formal, stable, fully-committed, long-term, serious, and romantic relationship. Also known as being "single." Take that basic lack of desire and match it to the investment needed to create and maintain a healthy, consistent, and satisfying romantic relationship, and then blend in the success rates of relationships, and you'll find me excited about talking about relationships, but not interested in doing it myself. Talk, talk, talk...

I'll admit to being foolish and short-sighted about romantic, strategic partnerships. Saying, "I'm not relationship-material," or "I like being single" remain truths to me, but that's based on previous experiences of dating people that were clearly not the best for me. Additionally, I've rarely had any real romantic goals and have rarely stuck to my latest "Top 10 Must Haves" list.

Here's my updated position on being single: whereas it was once based on my experience of not dating the right people, this week, I committed to attracting and dating the right people. Therefore, I support romantic relationships that are efficient and effective. I am open to being in a relationship with the right person. Finally, I'm being realistic rather than negative about "the likelihood of meeting the right person" and doing away with past perceptions of poor choices so it doesn't affect my future. I am now looking forward - and not focusing on the past - and am comfortable stating that I could be relationship material. One is not the loneliest number that there ever was, but it sure would be interesting to feel lonely and strongly desire to be connected to another human being on a profound - and I mean, "Wow! Is this for real?" - level. And so, I'll start digging.

Grow Your Business by Simply Asking Questions

2009-10-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

There is a fantastic car wash business located about one half mile up the block from my condo in San Diego, Calif. You may find it surprising to learn, however, that it’s been two years since I last brought my car there. Yes, I’m one of those “temporary” customers: (1) I don’t use my car that often, (2) I enjoy “washing” it myself, and (3) keep it in my condo’s parking garage. However, my car still gets pretty dirty and could use some professional help.

While I may not be the ideal customer for a car wash business, I could become a better customer. Do you have any customers like me? I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why you don’t see much of us these days. However, there may be one reason unrelated to the economy as to why your customers may not visit your facility more frequently.

You see, my last experience at the local car wash up the street was very satisfying and it’s the only car wash that I would recommend to my neighbors. So aside from my preferences, why may it be another year or even two before I do business with them again?

I was probably their happiest, temporary customer that day back in 2007. When they were done working on my car, it looked phenomenal. Like it was brand new. I didn’t have to remain temporary, though. Since then, two years of potential revenue “down the drain” has occurred. Not because of anything that their staff did, but because of what their staff did not do during my last visit.

My visit was very pleasant. I looked around their shop while occasionally watching my car get cleaned. Those ten minutes would have been the perfect opportunity for the cashier or any available staff member to share a brief conversation with me. We could have discussed my preferences. We could have discussed their business. They could have told me about the importance and popularity of having one’s car washed there. They could have even asked me a few impactful questions that could have influenced my decision to return again at the very least each month. Instead, while I left very pleased, my interest in returning didn’t last longer than a few days.

Asking important questions will improve your business dramatically. Here are a few basic, but powerful questions for you to consider asking your customers no matter how often they do business with you. They are just a few questions that when asked by a friendly staff member can turn a temporary customer into a permanent one:

1. How often do you visit us? Why is that?
2. Can you guess the three most popular reasons our customers come back each week/month?
3. Do you know about our loyalty/discount program?

Imagine how often your customers will visit your business when they not only experience an extra level of customer service, but learn more about your operation and the reasons why you’re #1 in town.

--

Jared Meyer is a marketing specialist, speaker and author who helps businesses gain exposure through quick, highly-efficient and highly-effective word-of-mouth marketing. Learn more about him at http://jaredmeyer.com

Why You Should Be Sorry for Saying You're Sorry

2009-09-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

It can be a powerful phrase: "I'm so sorry..." It can be a rather weak comment: "Sorry I'm late." No matter how it's used or when it's used, I've found that saying you're sorry is most often used as a social lubricant that both provides little authenticity and dilutes the power of making future heartfelt and sincere apologies.

Apology Abuse

The word "sorry" can have the power to make those who are making the apology feel bad even if the apology was completely unnecessary. Apologize to twenty people in one day about the most mundane things and I bet you'll feel pretty crappy by bed time. Saying you're sorry when you don't feel bad about something in the first place is bound to be like negative self-talk. Apologizing all the time will bring you down.

Here are a few overused, apologies that certainly had a purpose and were probably sincere, but were probably either unnecessary or superficial social niceties:

(1) "You've reached the voice mail of Jared Meyer at MakStar, I'm sorry I missed your call."
(2) "Sorry I'm late".
(3) "Sorry about that."
(4) "Oh, you wanted red peppers? Sorry."
(5) "I'm sorry, but... (I think you're wrong; you must have been mistaken; etc.)"

I could certainly spend a day apologizing (lightly, yet sincerely) to 100 people. What good would it do me? Well, I'd be considered by some as generally thoughtful and considerate. However, how many of those people would think that I was inconsiderate? While tainting my brand with apologies? Where there's smoke there's fire. Sometimes.

"Ever notice how Jared apologizes - even for the most insignificant things - so often? Boy, does he make a lot of mistakes and now that I think of it, he gives little thought to my needs."

Yes, this may be an extreme, but the theory is possible. Who do you know that uses apologies a bit too much and a bit too often?

This abuse of a special phrase that can have a deeply sincere, beautiful and impactful meaning is often diluted by being overused by too many for too many things too often.

Apology Neglect

So on one side, we've covered that apologies can be overused too much by too many. At the same time, on the other side, apologies are often underused and forgotten when they could have provided amazing connections, signs of being a fallible human being, significant relationship elixirs, conflict prevention, and the strengthening of relationships.

Saying "I'm sorry" is nice. Thank you for being considerate and having some manners. However, how sorry are you for being 15 minutes late and not calling the moment you knew you were going to be late? "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay!?" That just makes it worse. Not enough. Sorry.

I feel that a strong, true, and authentic apology will rarely be the often used phrase, "I'm sorry." A heartfelt apology would go something like this: "I really am sorry for [reason(s) for supporting remorse]." Now that means something to me.

Never Apologize When You Have to Prioritize

I've noticed that people sometimes don't focus on their own priorities and instead, feel guilty about not doing something with or for another. So what do they do? They give in and put their own priorities on hold. Rather than communicate their wants or needs, they may give in yet again, and hold off on what they need to do for themselves.

Tempting Examples:
1. "Would you help me paint the guest bedroom this weekend?"
2. "How about we take a ride up to LA? I've got a chair to deliver to a friend and would love your company."
3. "Can you stop by and show me how to use my new entertainment system?"

Helping out someone important to you is one thing. Until it becomes a common trend in a relationship, which is okay if that's what you enjoy. However. how many times have you said "Yes," to a request because you didn't want to reject someone's request, make them feel bad, or cause a rift in the relationship?

What if you were to have the courage to say, "No", would you apologize to soften the blow? Do you tell yourself, "Don't want to spend the little free time I have available today to help them, so I'll let them down nicely. Start with a "I'm sorry, but" and take it from there.

I feel that apologizing for something you haven't done (and especially won't do) doesn't soften the blow, but makes the rejection more painful for the recipient. Try this: don't start with a downer like, "I'm sorry." Say "I wish I could..." That's nice. Or ,"I would like to, but..." And finally, with dropping the bad vibes, provide a solution, too: "Sounds like fun. Why not just hire a college student using Craigslist to paint the room for you? You can call it an internship and they'll do it for free?"

I hope to apologize better in the future to maintain my position as a relatively consistent, considerate person. While it would be fun to see how I could impact the lives of people by apologizing to them at unnecessary and rather superficial moments, I will not give anyone the chance to misinterpret my intentions by being too considerate.

Don't agree with how I feel about this subject? Sorry about that, folks. Sorry.

Why To Keep Your Cell Phone Address Book Super Slim

2009-01-17T11:22:00.000-08:00

Moments ago, a friend of mine called me "weird" (a cognitive distortion known as "labeling") after she learned I didn't know that she was the one text-messaging me this morning.

For the record, out of the 18 contacts in my address book, four are family members (22%) and 12 are my closest friends or acquaintances I enjoy being connected to the most (78%) . Since I'm connected to nearly 2,000 people due to friendships, education, volunteering, or business, there are ten super smart reasons why I have under 20 contacts. Let's begin:

1. Functionality - I prefer to quickly locate the people with whom I speak the most.

2. Availability - Due to the nature of my work and lifestyle, I am most often unavailable for unscheduled phone calls.

3. Discipline - One of my personal preferences is to limit distractions.

4. Efficiency - E-mails are a better way to communicate for non-urgent priorities.

5. Interest - While it would be fun to be connected to plenty of people on my cell phone, I have enough fun being connected to people via e-mail and Facebook.

6. Effort - I am not interested in taking the time and making the effort to maintain an abundant address book.

7. Temptation - In my spare time, I do some personal coaching. While I'm an exceptional listener and enjoy helping people reach personal and business goals, I would be tempted to help even more people if I had 24/7 access to them in the palm of my hand.

8. Minutes - Up until May 2008, I had the 300 min./month Verizon calling plan. It's true, but I was actually only averaging 200 minutes a month. While I'm now on a 450 min./month plan (and actually hit 700 last month due to new coaching clients), having limitations helps me focus on my priorities.

9. Opportunity Costs - The more I speak on the phone today, the less I'll want to speak on the phone tomorrow. That's not good if tomorrow I'm committed to making specific phone calls. This one's for you, Ma!

10. My Profession - I am a professional speaker who is compensated to communicate to people on a one-on-one basis, in small groups, or before large audiences. Some days, I spend 8-12 hours speaking to people. For professional speakers, the last thing one wishes to do after a day or week of speaking is to speak on the phone. And for no fee, mind you.

So there you have it friends. Interested in having me speak? Please visit my web site to learn more about me.

10 Terrific Tips to Eliminating Risks in Your Kitchen

2009-01-15T13:07:00.001-08:00

I've hosted my home to a good deal of people and based on my experiences, here a few tips for those of you that would truly like to succeed in the kitchen and your life:

1. Eliminate any air from bags or packages with food to maintain freshness. Squeeze tight!

2. If you're fortunate to have two sponges at your kitchen sink, designate which one is exclusively for the kitchen counter tops and which is exclusively for washing dishes.

3. Only use the trash bin for dry trash. Use the sink for liquid waste.

4. You can save 87% more time and effort by quickly washing a dish by hand (versus rinsing it, putting it in the automatic dishwasher, preparing the dishwasher, waiting, and unloading the dishes.)

5. Expiration dates are often a brilliant marketing strategy to encourage increased spending for food products. Processed foods, especially, can last years well beyond their "best by" or "expiration date".

6. Back to the sponges again: once in awhile, put your sponges in the microwave for a minute to kill the bacteria. Give the sponges a good soak in water first to be more effective.

7. Speaking of the microwave, some research has shown that changing the molecular components of food prior to consumption can be dangerous. Use the stove or oven instead to reheat a dish and boil your tap water for tea.

8. Cleanliness is next to godliness my mother once said (each morning, day, and night). Keep in mind that your skin is your largest organ and what you put on it will be absorbed into your system. Select a safe hand soap or dish detergent.

9. Each time you prepare a meal or snack ask yourself, "Is this the best option for my health and well-being?"

10. Nearly 70% of the US population is overweight or obese and most have a sedentary lifestyle and eat animal products. Additionally, close to 50% of our population is on anti-depressants. Why do you think that is? What do they all have in common? Human consumption. Open your mind and see why plant-based diets lead to less occurrences of death and disease. Did you know that 50% of Americans will die from Heart Disease or Cancer? Lower your risks and start preventing disease in your own kitchen. FYI, arthritis, MS, and digestive disorders accounts for 75% of health-care costs. As they say, what (you eat that) doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

10 Questions I'd Rather Not Be Asked

2009-01-13T22:05:00.000-08:00

If you know me pretty well, you're probably aware that I rarely hate anything. Additionally, when it comes to finding the truth or determining needs or wants, you know that I love the power of asking questions. Except maybe ten questions that may traditionally cause one to feel upset. One being me. So, here they are in random order:

1. "Who do you think you are?"
2. "What are you, crazy?!"
3. "Don't you think that's a little weird?"
4. "Why don't you want kids?"
5. "Don't you think you should get a job?"
6. "What were you thinking?!"
7. "So, what do you do exactly?"
8. "Why don't you want to get married?"
9. "You can't eat that, right?"
10. "Are you my daddy?"

Top 10 Fears About Writing My Next Book on Fear

2009-01-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

1. I'm afraid I'll sell all my copies and won't even have a chance to read the book myself.

2. I'm scared that I'll be impacting so many readers' lives that I'll be in demand for speaking engagements and won't have any time to update my high school alumni network's web site.

3. I fear that the book will be so good that I'll never write another one because I won't be able to top perfection.

4. I'm afraid that American readers will be even more afraid in our "terrible economy" when they see that the title of my book is Fear and Doubt.

5. I'm scared that my friends will start reading books again because mine will be so enjoyable thereby cutting back the number of text messages and emails I receive on a daily basis.

6. I fear that Fear and Doubt, my eighth book, will be so good that it will be the first book of mine that my family actually reads.

7. I'm afraid that big-name publishers will come-ah-calling in such large numbers that I'll go over my minutes on my Verizon Wireless plan.

8. I'm scared that my web site will shut down due to the influx of web traffic.

9. I fear that I'll enjoy completing my next book so much that I'll realize that I prefer writing over professional speaking.

10. I'm afraid that the book-writing-process won't take two years, but two weeks, leaving more free time to update my high school alumni network's web site.

Are you a scaredy cat or top dog? Learn the truth about fear and doubt: fear and doubt

Is My Next Book's Subtitle a "Ridiculous Risk?"

2008-12-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

Beginning in 2009, I intend to start speaking to college audiences about fear and doubt. I am writing a book that takes a creative look at a misinterpreted roadblock. While the topic is serious (and timely), my approach will be fun. With a background in creativity and marketing, I've got some nice ethos - great credibility without a Psych degree. Besides, I've written seven decision-making books already, too.

But it's not that easy... Read on.

Originally, the title was: Fear and Doubt: How to Go from Scaredy Cat to Top Dog In 9 Lives or Less.

I loved it - it was making fun of other "30 days or less" self-help books, took a light look at a serious issue, and with 63% of Americans owning pets, how could I lose?

Now, I'm loving this idea more:

Fear and Doubt: Taking Ridiculous Risks Without Becoming Roadkill.

For those of you that may think "ridiculous risks" could be jumping out of a plane without a parachute or not flossing before bed, let's go deeper.

As you may know, the word "ridiculous" means

: arousing or deserving ridicule : absurd , preposterous

synonyms see laughable

My concept revolves around the fact that choices we make, which may have risks, are often blown out of proportion by other peoples' fears and not our own. It is their perception that may prevent us from taking action. Their fear may affect our fear. We prevent facing ridicule by often not taking action. Thus, risks become ridiculous - even when we know they are calculated and not death-defying.

Examples of ridiculous risks I've experience:

(1) Moving to CA without a job at age 24...
(2) With a finance degree, writing books for young readers...
(3) Living in San Diego without a "permanent J.O.B."...
(4) Subleasing a room in my apartment before becoming a homeowner...
(5) Building a career as a public speaker (anything but public speaking!)...

For years, my family was concerned about my choices as an independent, traveling, young professional. It didn't matter. My family often thought I should get a job. Very often. It got annoying. Their fears, not mine. I was taking ridiculous risks - they thought I was "out there" and not just out there on the West Coast. There were no risks. The true ridiculous risk would have been doing anything else unrelated to creativity, marketing, and relationships. And having a traditional 9-5 job. But I digress...

My point: sometimes the actual choices that we make aren't risky at all - the only big risk we face is being ridiculed by people we know - our peers, our family, our partners - and they are sometimes the reasons we choose to remain scaredy cats. Why do you think professional speakers are in high demand? That sweet fear of public speaking - what if they don't like me? What if.... etc.

In essence, no matter how risky, adventurous, or calculated, if someone else doesn't value, understand, or support your values and choices, they could easily be considered "ridiculous."

I'd like to change the minds of young adults. One mind at a time. So tell me your thoughts - I can take the ridicule - trust me. Will this subtitle work? And get me work? :)

Thank you.

Jared

PS: Visit www.jaredmeyer.com to see the proposed cover (click the image and find details on the book's promo-site under "The Book").

PSS: The book is not about courage, hope, or faith. It's about clear, creative thinking.

"My Battery is Going to Die!"

2008-11-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

You must have heard it a million times: "I've got to go... my battery is going to die." Whether you were speaking with your girlfriend in Los Angeles, your fiance in New York, your wife in Miami or all three lovely ladies at the same time on your cell phone, that familiar quote must ring a bell. Do you honestly think they were ever telling the truth? I for one have always been honest in stating the reality of my cell phone's condition, yet people sometimes think I'm talking about my fear of losing my phone's life.

Some people may believe that I'm obsessed with death and dying by bringing up the fact that my cell phone battery's days are numbered. Others may understand that when I say, "My battery is going to die," I mean that the power level in the current battery located in my cell phone is nearly empty and it would be a good time to end the conversation to prevent getting cut off mid sentence. I'm sure they all know it's the latter meaning.

Oh, but what if it were the perfect way to end a conversation without coming off as impersonal, curt, or inconsiderate? Personally, I feel the best way to end a conversation is to prevent having one in the first place, especially when we're talking about talking on a cell phone. What percentage of cell phone calls made during our most active hours are action-based? How many are talk-based? Let me explain:

Action-Based Phone Calls - briefly discussing logistics, strategies, or plans of action. Example: "I'm at the theatre and can get two tickets to Phantom tonight. Do you want to see it again for the seventh time?"

Talk-Based Phone Calls - briefly discussing whatever's on one's mind
Example: "What did you have for lunch today?"

Just consider the realities of using a cell phone. Beyond the potential convenience, realize the actual inconvenience. Have you ever experienced these symptoms?:

(1) Feeling compelled to check your cell phone each time it rings, chimes, or plays a seductive ringtone.
(2) Feeling obligated to answer every call including those without showing a legitimate telephone number in your "caller id".
(3) Feeling required to answer even if it's to say you're not available to speak.

Consider using the excuse "My battery is going to die" the next time your cell phone rings when you are compelled to answer that call. Only when you begin having the self-control to allow calls to go to voice mail or to leave your phone on in silent mode will you consider how much power you'll save by not immediately accepting an incoming call.

True autonomy and control will exist when you have the power to turn off the power, conserve your energy (and your cell phone's energy), and focus on the true urgent priorities in your day. Sometimes it's beneficial to be unavailable. Think about the common results of supply and demand and turn off your cell phone for a day or even a few hours.

During my senior year of high school, I had dated a young woman a couple of times and within a few weeks had lost interest in seeing her again. Upon attempting to reach me via telephone at home one night, my Dad (the sweetest guy I know), sensed her urgency in needing to speak to me. He quickly stated that someone must have either been dead or pregnant, so he asked, "Which is it?"

Good news: no one was dead or pregnant (or both). And would you believe that she never called me at my Dad's place again? If only cell phones today came with parental controls for adults.

Until that feature is offered, let's stick to e-mail, and I promise I won't get my Dad involved.

Ending an Abusive Relationship With E-mail

2008-11-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

In Timothy Ferriss' book, The 4-Hour Work Week, he suggested that a reader who is serious about saving time to try out a rare concept: checking e-mail twice a day. Ten in the morning and four in the afternoon worked for him at one point. This idea sounded great to me and I even tried it out twice on two separate occasions. While it worked out quite well those two days, I had always resorted back to the old strategy: checking my e-mail as many times as possible each day and responding to many of the e-mails I had received as often as well. Until recently.

I've recently been working on getting myself out of a bad relationship with my e-mail account. As e-mails come in these days, I greet them, welcome them to my Inbox, and read them, but don't immediately respond. I'm working on logging in less often and reading less e-mails, too. It's going to be a gradual process for me to change my behavior. Can you relate to any of these warning signs?

Warning Sign #1: Checking E-mail Too Many Times Each Day

Checking my e-mail a ridiculous number of times each day may have started in 2002. I never wanted to miss out on my next business opportunity, so I chose to login often. Looking back, I now realize that rather than waiting passively for my next opportunity (by proactively clicking "reload"), I could have invested more of my time creating my own next opportunity. Logging in often rarely led me to "lucking out" often.

Warning Sign #2: Opening and Reading Every E-mail

I've occasionally toyed with the idea of allowing an e-mail or two sit in my Inbox without opening it. Maybe for a moment, an hour, or a day. I have probably never done this, however, because each e-mail has been valued like a birthday card: "It doesn't matter what day it is, Mom. I want to open it now! Yay!"

Warning Sign #3: Immediately Responding to E-mails

It wasn't until I read Ferriss' book that I realized that I also had the tendency to respond to people's emails immediately and often. I'm talking about nearly every e-mail that I read from someone I knew and especially a new contact. No matter the time of day and no matter the topic, if I was at a computer, I chose to make myself available to respond. Business e-mail? "Yes, I'm still in work mode - it will only take a moment," I would tell myself. Personal e-mail? "I'm just taking a break - it will only take a moment."

Nonsense!

The moments added up and if I were to compile the amount of time I've spent logging in, checking, reading, and responding to e-mails, I could use that time to write my next three books. Do you know what happens when you respond to someone's e-mail? You usually get a response! And I bet you know what happens next. Chain reactions can get heavy, you know.

E-mails between friends sometimes lead to a snowball effect of notes shared between the two writers. Throw in the potential for comments that lack specifics and you've got more reasons to write back. Also, consider the e-mails one receives that offer new business opportunities but lack some important details. They may lead to requesting clarification via... e-mail! And let's not forget about the e-mails where she read one thing, you meant another, and it was only because what she wrote you thought meant something else.

How do we win here? Structure. Self-control. Discipline. Saying, "No!"

Who's hurting who the most? Is your e-mail account the bad guy here or is it you? Either way, if you can relate to this unhealthy relationship, only you have the power to get out of it. Your e-mail account is unable and unwilling to mend the relationship.

I met Timothy Ferriss briefly in August at the National Speakers Association national convention in NYC. He had just given a presentation on marketing and social networking and was in an elevator. It stopped on the floor I was on and the door opened. The elevator was packed and he was facing in with his arms spread out. I asked, "Is that Timothy Ferriss?" It was. I told him I enjoyed his presentation, introduced myself, shook his hand, and told him I'd send him an e-mail. I also noted that I understood that it may be weeks before he would respond.

Would you believe that I never actually wrote him that e-mail I said I would write? It turns out that his advice in cutting back on e-mail can eventually work. Try it out for yourself and be sure to let me know how it goes. Right now! But write later.

Volunteer Work Will Set You Free

2008-11-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

Bird-watching was the only nontraditional hobby I had in high school. Don't laugh. Reading self-help books replaced that hobby during my senior year. Be nice. While I may have only read two self-help books at that time, they were both by Dale Carnegie. Carnegie mentioned in his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, that a great way to overcome psychological suffering caused by depression is to volunteer.

This tip worked for me personally as a high school senior in 1996 when I created a bad scenario inside my head due to what I call, "negative creativity." I foolishly chose the wrong path which led me to thinking the wrong way. I ultimately chose to feel awful about the unknown outcome of what I thought was a bad choice. I was able to cope with my stressor by painting a small bedroom in my Mom's house.

While it wasn't even volunteer work because it was (1) part of my job as a good son and (2) a specific request made by my Mom, the productivity and creativity that I experienced helped me change what was going on inside my head. I suppose there wasn't much creativity, though, given that I used just one color of paint. Throughout this project, I forgot my previous preoccupation with unreasonable fear and doubt.

There are so many ways in which a person may volunteer these days. Leadership works for me. Since 2005, I've been volunteering as president of the University of Maryland Alumni Club of San Diego. Earlier this year, I began volunteering as the founding president of my high school's alumni network. While I've experienced pride and joy connecting fellow alumni across the county and country, respectively, my efforts have not been self-serving (even though it often feels that way).

Me volunteer? A self-employed, sole proprietor, whose own web site domain name is jaredmeyer.com has the ability to think beyond his own well-being, own career, and own personal agenda? Sure thing.

Consider volunteerism a hobby. Like birdwatching, but with less redundancy, more satisfaction, and less people laughing at you. Anyone who laughs at you for having a nontraditional hobby clearly hasn't read Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. And for those of you who are just a tad curious about the lad who bird watched as a teenager, let's just say he always got the chicks.

Curb Your Dog's Enthusiasm

2008-11-14T14:48:00.000-08:00

I've had the pleasure of living in NYC here and there over the past few months and I've got to say that it's been a real treat. While there are so many wonderful things I can comment upon like the noise from automobiles, the smell from plenty of smokers, and general overcrowding, I thought I'd take a moment and focus on what I now call, "Animal (Self) Control."

I'm sure it's not the pet owners or their professional dog walkers that are purposely walking their dogs in the middle of the sidewalk while blocking oncoming traffic and allowing biological deposits to appear across the city. I'm sure that it is the dogs who are really to blame. I have found that the dogs in NYC are so enthusiastic about walking around such a stimulating city that they often disregard the fact that sidewalks are meant solely for walking. Ever wonder why dogs are so excited to get the hell out of their homes? Read on.

"New York City! Center of the Universe! The City That Never Sleeps!," these dogs must be thinking as they go about their business as if the sidewalk were one, long desk. While the gutter is an undogly place to be productive, from a humanitarian perspective, what reasonably-minded human would allow their pets to "pound the pavement" anywhere on the pavement?

Hundreds of thousands of people walk on the sidewalks each day in NYC. Hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers walk inside their homes each night. And hundreds of thousands walk in and around their living quarters at any and every moment. That being said, why would any dog walker be comfortable allowing a dog to enthusiastically "go" on the pavement?

Sure, there's no specific law about walking dogs on a specific side of the sidewalk. There's a law about picking up after your dog. Thank goodness. New idea: how about a law of dog walking only being legal on the pavement closest to the curb? "Curb Your Dog" is a law that states one should be responsible for and pick up after their dog. Is that enough? Nope. There is no law here that states that the said dogs in question are required to be walked curbside.

Imagine if it were a law to only walk a dog curbside. Would anyone be found violating the law by a police officer? Would they try to fight the ticket? "Your honor, I was leading my dog to the curb, but due to biology and my pet's lack of self-control, we didn't make it there in time. You know how exciting it is to live in NYC. My dog is quite enthusiastic and hard to curb." It's a reasonable excuse, especially when your record is clean and any knowledge of previous violations has been wiped away.

So, where do we go from here? Let's start a movement where all pet owners and dog walkers take responsibility to keep the sidewalks clear. Do you know why the dogs are so enthusiastic to go outside in NYC? It may be because the floors inside their homes are dirtier than the sidewalks. Where's Larry David when you need him? (Cue the music.)

--

Need a professional dog walker in NYC? "While the economy has been falling, business has actually been picking up," says Mia MacFarlane, owner of Canine Concierge.

Why I Don't Want Kids

2008-11-13T16:06:00.000-08:00

Having had an online dating profile for 10 years, my stated preference in having children has been anywhere between "Do not want children" to "Someday."

No matter what I feel at this moment about having and raising children, anything is possible in the future. I may want kids in the year 2018.

Nevertheless, as I look back at over 30 years of being a human being, I continue to state to those closest to me and the media that I currently do not want to have children.

The media have made a big deal about this by including my story in multiple publications like People and Time magazine. Check it out for yourself. Big story. Everywhere. Even in The Economist, writers have found my story compelling.

My story is very simple. Call it a "condition" if you prefer.

In general, I have learned that being the best parent possible requires a significant amount of consistent time, interest, resources, effort, and dedication. See the acronym? It spells T.I.R.E.D. That's a red flag for someone like me.

Who am I?

I am a talented, young, pre-occupied, independent, self-focused, traveler. I've been a T.Y.P.I.S.T. since graduating college. No matter what I've been or done and no matter what I've experienced, I have never wanted to have nor raise children. It's that simple. It's that rare. It is what it is.

Basic biology states that humans are to have children as what's the point to be human if you're not procreating?

Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-creating. In fact, I'm very pro-creating and perhaps that's the challenge. I have been so preoccupied with creativity - music, art, writing, and self-expression since college that I haven't made the time to consider a life dedicated to children.

I've been focused on building a career as a professional speaker, building wealth, and improving my health. I don't have the time nor the inclination to consider having children. It's not that I don't value the idea of family - I do. Thanks to my parents' divorce, my family is a little bigger and I have an extra parent. It's just that I would rather commit myself to 100 things before I commit to a child.

Am I a bad person? Not at all. I've been very responsible in preventing having children. I would rather do an exceptional job at not being a father than do a poor job at being a parent.

Look kids, it just comes down to one thing: I am not - nor have I ever been - interested in having children because I have been interested in so many other things that I never took the opportunity to consider the wonderful aspects of fatherhood.

So, stop being a baby, and consider being more open-minded to those that don't desire the same biological things as you. When it comes to biology, not everyone prefers a healthy-lifestyle, daily physical activity, or being a vegetarian. And not everyone prefers the same psychological things like being self-employed, traveling the country, and focusing on their music, art, literature, and public speaking.

Who wants to hear a bedtime story?!

Let me write it first. My "baby" is due New Years Eve and I hope she's a healthy 150 pages, easy to read, and super fun. Just like her father.

My Addiction to Frequent Flyer Miles and More

2008-11-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

I swear, your honor, it's not an addiction - it's just a powerful affinity that I have towards the airlines, hotels, and restaurants that offer me sweet incentives to remain their #1 loyal fan.

In fact, sometimes I'm able to double, triple, or quadruple-dip not just because they allow such an option (like Hilton Honors program where you get double points or additional frequent flyer miles with each stay), but because I work the system like I have nothing better to do with my time.

Here's one basic example of how I've been able to build value while experiencing great flights, hotel stays, and meals:

Make a dinner reservation using OpenTable.com and ideally when you can get those special 1,000 point reservations (vs. the usual and petty 100 points).
Dine at a restaurant with a frequent diners program - like Lawrys or Chart House.
Dine at a time or on a day where you get double points from said restaurant. Before 6pm at Lawrys or on Mondays at Peohe's in San Diego, Calif., for example.
Use a credit card where you get double points at restaurants (JetBlue American Express credit card)
Get reimbursed for the meal by your client, employer, partner, or family member.

As you leave the restaurant, grab the bowl of candy on the counter, post them on Craigslist, and you'll gain an additional amount of value.

Need more value? Approach the person handling the service where they park your car for you. I'm drawing a blank on the name of the service because I'm only thinking of my points that I have with seven hotels and eight airlines. Feign like you lost your ticket. Mention "Vehicle 12" and he'll grab the keys and get your new car. It's practically free, but out of good faith and being a fair and decent human being, tip the guy $5.00.

I'm sure you know what to do with the vehicle after you take it home.

eBay, kids, eBay.

Gonna Party Like It's 1929

2008-10-10T14:54:00.000-07:00

Long ago, in October of 1929, something pretty significant happened in America. The great stock market crash that occurred on Oct. 29th that year was followed by a huge depression and other bad stuff. History used to be my favorite subject until "creative writing" became my favorite class. "Bad stuff" is a historically creative comment that our nation's best writers have shared with their readers. Trust me on this one.

Things sure were different back then: cell phones and the Internet were fantasies and the TV we know of today wasn't invented until just about one year prior to the crash. "Pounding the pavement" and "banging the phones" led most people towards finding work, earning income, and building relationships. Now, all we have to do is send a bulk e-mail to our 1,352 friends online and we'll end up with at least four job offers, but what if aspects of then began now?

What if our country was facing similar economic crises that were as bad as back in 1929? The way things are looking, we may be preparing for some bigger challenges beyond inflation, foreclosures, failing banks, and a falling stock market. Boy have things changed:

Urgent Priorities at That Time:
(1) Food
(2) Shelter
(3) Clothing

My Urgent Priorities at This Time:
(1) Food, Shelter, and Clothing
(2) Cell Phone and Internet
(3) Gym and Music
(4) Travel and Entertainment

Like back then, substances like alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine won't be a priority because those are surely just for social purposes and surely, who feels like celebrating now? However, as New Years Eve approaches, Americans will still celebrate beyond the general good times experienced on Halloween and Thanksgiving (and those other Winter holidays).

Without those three party enhancements (the sauce, sticks, or kicks), Americans should still be able to enjoy spending time together in person. During the 1920s and early 1930s, Americans were still able to have a good time without booze and I'm sure they can have an even better time now without all of the three pricey, "evil doers."

Beyond the celebrations, life in the US will be like ole' times again. We'll try to simplify and prioritize. Maybe instead of spending zero hours watching TV or Internet each day like they did back then, we'll cut back by one or two hours a day. Perhaps we'll pull out Checkers or Candyland and spend some quality time with our loved ones. Imagine all the books we could read! Imagine all the books I could write!

I'm going to go start planning for my book launch party. Imagine the 1000s of people that will want to come together and celebrate my next book, The Truth About Fear and Doubt. Just when you thought it was safe to go out and celebrate on Halloween, an even scarier event is approaching. Considering joining me at a party celebrating a scary subject like fear where the only stimulants found will be within a 150 pg. book. Writing 150 pages in America? Now that's something pretty significant, too.

Rejected from The University of Vulnerability

2008-10-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first to firmly admit that I was never rejected by the admissions department at The University of Vulnerability. I was never admitted either, though, because I was afraid that I may be rejected. I prevented the potential mental pain (shame, sadness, or embarrassment) by not applying at all.

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, here are the first two definitions of the word "vulnerability":

1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : assailable <vulnerable to criticism>

I would never want to be capable of being hurt or open to the opportunity of facing a loss. I would never want to be vulnerable - unless I was capable of calculating risks and open to the opportunity of facing great rewards.

I believe there's a theory, thought, quote, or myth - something - about "risk versus reward." The greater the risk, the greater the reward. It's apparent in gambling or investing in stocks, but does it apply to experiences in day-to-day life?

Is there any difference in the related risks and rewards of applying to one school versus another? Asking one person out for a date versus another? Committing to one career over another?

Perhaps the higher the quality, the more likely one may choose to feel bad about possibly being rejected. Perhaps in our daily lives, rejection is all the same until we face extremes.

Example: I meet a woman I like a lot (like, "I would have this person's children and spend the rest of my life with them,"), share a conversation, ask her out, and she rejects me. I could immediately feel bad and start to question the multiple reasons she said, "No." Or I could appreciate my willingness to risk loss (losing something I never truly had, though) and realize that there was a good chance her choice had very little or even nothing to do with me.

No matter the reason, I would have been educated enough to be open to the opportunity. The more open we are to opportunities, the more opportunities we are open to finding. Cyclical Pattern #1.

It sounds nice, but for someone who prefers to think good thoughts (and therefore feel good based on those thoughts), going the easy route has been a preference of mine as well.

No one wants to feel inadequate. Good news: there's a way to prevent feeling dumb or weak after choosing to be vulnerable to rejection and loss: understanding and accepting reasons for your potential "failure" that don't even relate to you. And being open to learning about ways to improve your position, offerings, or competitive advantage.

I'm apart of "Generation Me" and often get what I want. Personally, however, this mentality places limitations on what I want because to play it safe, I normally don't want very much. Cyclical Pattern #2.

If I reprogram myself just a little bit and realize that I can have whatever I want within reason while being reasonable (and sure, vulnerable), I may be more likely to attempt to get it. Get it? I did. Eventually...

Clear and Pleasant Danger

2008-10-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought it was safe, they tend to stick around like they're your family. You can move out or move across the country, but they may always be there unless you change your mind and ask them to leave. In preparation of my next book on fear and doubt, I realized that both can sometimes be like overprotective parents.

Fear and doubt may have been the #1 reason I didn't become a keynote speaker immediately after college graduation. Fear and doubt's response: "As long as you're under our roof, you will do what we say." The roof being the top of my head in that case, for fear and doubt are like an extra set of parents that reside deep inside of it.

Fear and doubt may have been the #1 reason I rarely approached a young woman to start a conversation with the intention of dating her. Fear and doubt's response: "We were only trying to protect you, honey."

If someone were to ask me right now: "Jared, if you could do it over, would you have focused completely on building a career as a keynote speaker?", I wouldn't necessarily say, "Yes." In general, I'm not one to regret things. Additionally, the past eight years have allowed me to speak on behalf of over 100 companies. I was okay being fed scripts no matter how small they were. I made the material my own. And rather than look back and regret my choices, I'd prefer to say I am grateful for the past and now prepared to provide my own topics and content.

I now acknowledge that even if I had started giving presentations based on my shtick more often after graduation, I would have probably faced fear and doubt in other areas of my work.

Until I truly understand the intricacies of fear and doubt, there may always be something to fear. Maybe I didn't do then what I would have now liked to have done due to simply not being ready. I wasn't ready to face hard work. I wasn't ready to face potential rejection. And certainly, I wasn't ready to face my fears.

Whatever it was that held me back, it allowed me to have a relatively carefree, easy, and enjoyable quality of life. The dangers of not getting booked, making a positive impression on audiences, nor earning income from speaking were hidden by years of working as a public speaker and marketing specialist. Gigs that allowed me to feel like I was on vacation.

"Maybe you should get a real job," my fear and doubt would ask me. No, wait, that really was my Mom who was the only one who said that. And besides, the only real job that I knew that was right for me at the time (and now) is that of a professional speaker. There is no other rational, realistic, reasonable, or practical choice. That is, of course, other than stalling.

The clear and pleasant danger of having fear and doubt on and off during the past eight years was that I chose "Plan B" - to do what was easy and not what was right. I did what was practical short-term and not what was best. Life was pleasant thanks to the dangers I knew were possible.

"What if they don't like me? What if they don't take me seriously? How will I remain competitive?" We do what we want to do and clearly keynote speaking was not what I wanted to do at the time.

As I write this entry from a hotel room at Disney World in Orlando, Fl, I can't help but realize that the similar imagination that brings cartoons to life can often motivate us to create characters in our heads. Which will you chose today, Jared? Is your character a hero or a villain?

Whomever it is, I don't intend to see them at our Thanksgiving Dinner. Fear and doubt, like the overprotective parents in our heads, won't be welcome to join us. Besides, they'd probably only complain about the uncomfortable topic of this book, its latest cover, and the fact that it's taking me "forever" to write it.

When you feel there's no one-way out, remember, there's always a one-way ticket available, and I know that fear and doubt love to fly. Good news, the delay is over, and their flight is now boarding.

When a Facebook Friend Deletes You

2008-09-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

I didn't see it coming and I especially never imagined that it would happen to me. "Those things only happen to bad people," I always thought.

My objective over the past six months has been to gradually build upon my online social network. This has been done by including anyone with whom I've met along the last 30 years. This also includes anyone with whom I share an affinity such as my Alma maters (high school or university). It also goes beyond those who I know. Anyone who knows anyone I know has been welcome to connect.

Life is good when you have nearly 400 friends on Facebook. At least ten will remember your birthday. At least five will buy your book. At least two will comment on a photo. At least one will be motivated to look.

One of the best things about online communication is that you can avoid the fear of rejection by not responding to one's message or requests. It's nothing personal. It's completely personal.

I have lost someone who was once close to me on Facebook. This is my story.

A few weeks ago, I was distracted and not prioritizing and somehow noticed that a friend of mine was no longer a friend of mine - on Facebook. She still had an account. This was confirmed by seeing that we both still shared a friend in common.

But we were no longer connected.

Sure, I hadn't seen her in over four years, hadn't spoken on the phone since then, and shared a few minor emails, but come on. That's what Facebook is for: allowing some people to remain connected while not barely connecting at all.

And now that we're not even connected on Facebook. The feeling of loss enters from stage right. Are we truly no longer friends? Did I do something to offend her (again)? Hah.

Maybe it was a techinical error. Maybe she removed her account and started from scratch. Maybe it was because I mentioned the possibility of seeing each other earlier this year while I was in NYC and never followed up. Maybe it was because we had dated briefly in the past and she has a new boyfriend and couldn't bare to see my daunting away messages.

Messsages like, "I'm writing my next book." Or, "I am a professional speaker." Things that would make any new boyfriend jealous when learning about the other men.

I've spent four and half hours trying to determine why she would have removed me from her Facebook account. Make it eight hours. Ten hours, yeah, that sounds good - ten. Ten hours of creative thinking and plenty of "tears and heartache." Buckets, I tell ya', buckets.

Instead of that "awful suffering," I could have written her a quick e-mail asking what happened between us, but to be honest, during those ten hours of "woe," I actually connected with another 1,342 people, and totally forgot about her, the despair, and the fear of never seeing her Facebook profile again.

When one door closes, another 1,342 open. That's another three friends that may buy my next book. Another two friends that will have a friend whom wants to connect. And at least one extra friend who will criticize me for trying to be funny in this blog.

Facebook: that's what virtual friends are for.

Four (4) Commercials Featuring Jared Meyer as the Newber Silhoutte

2008-09-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am the "Newber Silhouette." Enjoy these four commercials that were made public today. Sorry kids, this professional speaker was silent for the role. On the bright side, it'll make my future appearances at kid's parties easy - no talking. Kidding. Click here to see a production photo and then click back to watch the videos!

Business Card (Commercial 1 of 4)

Newber - Do Not Disturb (Commercial 2 of 4)

Newber Intro (Commercial 3 of 4)

Newber - Contact Finder (Commercial 4 of 4)

Startling Statistics About American Psychology

2008-09-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

"What are you, crazy?" It's a common question that people either say in jest or say upon reacting to a stressor in their life, but as data becomes more well-known, asking such as question may be found to be considered offensive to some people. 25% of people, in fact.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one out of four Americans suffers from a mental illness. While the spectrum is broad and there's an emphasis on mood disorders and depression, their statistics can shed some much-needed light as to why some people appear to be more difficult than others.

Twenty-five percent. I've been using this statistic in conversations over the past few years mostly on a one-on-one basis with people. There hasn't been an opportunity to use it in any presentation. It's still an important fact to me and can explain some unexplained behavior I've witnessed or heard about in the past.

Off the top of your head, besides one of your family members, who would you label as "crazy?" If you thought that many homeless people must be crazy (the ones who are most often found talking or even arguing with themselves), you'd actually be mistaken. According to the Arizona University of Education's web site, just 20-25% of homeless people (nearly the same percentage as the sample of the general public) suffer from serious mental illness in America.

After 30 years of experience as a human being, combined with a plethora of conversations and evaluations in addition to the research I've done and the classes I've taken, I feel I'm a good judge of character. With no psychological credentials beyond coursework, some have suggested that I use the term "intuition" when it comes to my understanding of the human condition. Whatever it may be, I hope to provide assistance to people that are resistant to understanding, accepting, and forgiving people for behaving in ways that one could label as "crazy."

Whether or not one isn't well today, the next day, or everyday, considering the facts of American life may help us deal with what we assume are difficult people. Don't always jump to conclusions; don't always make assumptions; and don't always think that people are trying to be difficult. Many people don't know they aren't well until patterns develop and they are confronted about their behavior. This is often the perfect time for interventions to take place by loved ones.

I should have studied psychology.

Being Efficient Works Even With Your Loved Ones

2008-09-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

Is it me or have you ever noticed resistance when you attempt to be as efficient as possible while on the telephone with someone you care about personally?

"Hi, this is Jared," I often say to my Mother upon connecting with her during our weekly phone call. I want to immediately clarify that it's me calling and jump to my second objective: determining whether or not it's a good time to talk.

"Is this is a good time to talk?," I may say. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

"Where are you?" She usually asks first upon realizing we are confirmed and prepared to catch up.

"San Diego," I sometimes say.

We catch up on her week or weekend and how she's been doing and then lead into the professional and financial aspects of my life. Next up, we chat about family members. Before ending the call, we say our goodbyes that are always topped with an "I love you," something, mind you, that I started doing with her last year - thanks to my step-father, Michael's, leadership.

I suppose I could initially say, "Hi Mom," and she would know it was me calling. How many people call her Mom? And of those three kiddies, how many sound like me?

So, what's my motivation?

Something magical happens when I'm on the phone - I am Mr. Business. No matter the person with whom I'm speaking, I transform from a laid back chap to "Professional Speaker."

Do I like having control? Absolutely. Maybe I'm conditioned by all those years of sales calls I've made (for the record: zero sales calls have been made). It's just my preference. It's what I like. It's what I, dare to say, love.

At the very least, let the record show that I no longer call my father by his first name. My sister is happy about that. I should probably call her.

Good Bye Theory, Hello Action

2008-08-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

I finally started reading Bob Prosen's book, "Kiss Theory Good Bye," today. He begins his 200+ page book by stating that theory is important while action and results are more important. Focusing on theory sure can be comfortable. I've had the theory of developing my career as a professional speaker based on what I've learned works. Great data. Makes perfect sense.

At the same time, just as I begin activating my new division of MakStar Marketing, Superman Design, I have started thinking about the importance of having goals, a plan, and planning.

When it comes to money, I don't think I've ever had specific financial goals. I've just ridden the wave over the years while maintaining a positive attitude that money would come easily and frequently, or at least eventually.

I know the right way to get what I want. I have always known. The information seems right and the process makes sense. Sometimes, I don't act and strive for actual results. Most of the time I wait for opportunities to arise. There has never been an urgency to succeed.

Turning 30 in June was nice. It wasn't a big deal like it was for a month after turning 25. Boy, were those four weeks tough. As a 30-year-old, I feel I'm at peace compared to the hustle of my 20s. I've felt as if I've never been more focused. I call that theory. It's all in my head.

Now it's time to take the theory - what I've learned, worked, and waited for - and proactively give it life by taking action, having specific and timely goals, and getting the results I've been fantasizing about for a few moments each year. It's time to finally blow out the candles and eat the cake. Let's dig in.

Visit Las Vegas and You May Change Your Career Focus

2008-08-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

I recently attended the Magic fashion tradeshow in Las Vegas, NV, and was hit with a rather prominent - and life-changing - realization.

For many years, my objective was to speak to corporations and associations given the potential impact of influencing large quantities of people while receiving a positive return on investment.

While in Las Vegas this past week, upon sharing my current book idea with a few new team members, I realized I have been blind for two years.

It's been two years since I've spoken to young audiences as a professional speaker. Upon finishing up my work with Monster.com during the summer of 2006, I had decided that I was no longer interested in speaking to that demographic. I felt that the experience was invaluable, the impact positive, and portfolio-building... nearly perfect.

The future, I believed, would be filled with opportunities to speak to corporate audiences and associations - sharing my messages, stories, and expertise. That was the plan.

While moving forward and building upon my career, I now find myself gearing up again to speak on behalf of OPEN from American Express four times over three days at a tradeshow in Baltimore, MD next month. While hosting another 12 business clinics, I will enjoy speaking to business owners and the like. Yes, I will like that.

What I would like more, it turns out - given my experience in Vegas, is that of all the people out there, I would most be interested, most be comfortable, most be passionate about speaking to college audiences.

Duh. My first book was a college guidebook to the University of Maryland. I've been president of the UM Alumni Club of San Diego for over three years. I'm the founding president of my high school alumni association. My #2 priority is education. The seven books I've written and the 13 I've revised are for young adults. I've spoken at UMaryland and Univ. of California several times.

This is a no-brainer. Talk about "fighting biology" - I've been secretly fighting with myself for two years. Secretly meaning I didn't know it until recently. And fighting meaning holding myself back from really doing what I would love doing.

For many years, I've battled with determining what my one topic would be as a professional speaker. I never gave thought to my target demographic, since I felt my messages, experience, and delivery would be universal.

I don't get excited about much and I'm happy to announce that I'm very excited about starting a new speaking business plan. I am currently a professional speaker who speaks to college audiences about developing creativity, marketing, and building relationships. Let's go back to school, kids.

The U.S v. Bad Creativity

2008-08-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

Your honor, I bring before you and those of the court, the case of the U.S. v. "Bad Creativity." For every moment that is spent being creative with fear in mind, I ask the jury to consider the first and most impressive piece of evidence.

For every, "What if," spoken or thought by Americans, at times of fear and doubt, they have taken the proactive part of being creative for all the wrong reasons. With the freedom to be creative in the first place, these self-destructive choices have led our citizens to experience "bad creativity" instead of "good creativity."

Conflict and chaos can happen. Why had these victims not previously thought, "Well, there is a chance that...," and followed up with, "And I understand the potential reality and risks, and would still like to take the risk and attempt reaching the outcome."?

When facing a challenge - something that can lead to a negative response in our minds - we are often creative. Whether or not we know it, we are often creating. Here's an example:

You've got a new job opportunity! - "Good Creativity" would prompt a person to say out loud or to themselves, "I would like to apply for this job. Should I ultimately receive an offer, I intend to learn a lot, gain experience and income, build relationships, and connect with my next opportunity. The potential is unlimited." "Bad Creativity" could alternatively prompt a person to say or state, "What if I apply and don't get an interview? What if I get the interview, but don't get the job?" What if I get the job and don't like it?" What if I get the job, like it, but get fired for non-compliance or because of downsizing?" With all of that "creativity in mind," I'm surprised more Americans aren't using their "Good Creativity" by painting, writing, performing, and designing. Perhaps they're too consumed with "Bad Creativity."

Kids, most of what happens in our lives prompts us to respond with creativity - whether you like it or not and whether you know it or not. Until now. That is, of course, we attempt to fight biology and prevent our imagination from taking wing.

Therefore, I'd like to bring a lawsuit against "Bad Creativity" on behalf of the United States. "Bad Creativity" is responsible for making Americans feel poorly and for motivating them to either take foolish action or not act at all. The sole "principal in the first" is one of humanity's most wanted, "Ignorance." What say you?

Change and Conflict Make My Day

2008-08-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

I was the guy in the office who welcomed change or conflict. Someone let go? Perfect. A crew of 40 advertising sales execs booted out on a Friday morning? Sure thing. And what about when I was the target of significant change or a crappy conflict? Not a problem.

That is, unless, I was really enjoying my life before the change or conflict. However, sometimes, my connection to that which I desired at the time may have simply been superficial. This would be the perfect opportunity to provide an example, but I'll keep you compelled by moving on to my next thought.

I'm not fearless. I've got a few things that I've yet to evaluate and "get over" like heights, snakes, and bugs. However, compared to most people (complete assumption with little merit), I feel I suffer from a lack of general, common, or popular fears. That's right boys and girls, this cat loves change and understands conflict, so what's there to fear? Everything that's on my little list or those things of which I have feared in the past all came about because of being ignorant.

So, if you consider these four points, you may begin to understand that I'm headed for the "top dog" door:

1) Beyond the career objective of being a professional speaker, I have had no other significant goals in life aside from optimal health. Therefore, no goals, no fears of not reaching them.
2) I am a product of change - and soldier of change - given that 1/2 of my childhood was spent living in two homes every-other-week. Back and forth. Back and forth. Great divorce, great training.
3) I feel conflict leads to opportunity and the potential for excitement and freshness. Bring it on an we'll face off.
4) I have the strong feeling that most fear doesn't have to be overcome by courage, faith, or hope, but by knowledge, education, training, and understanding.

I am so close to writing this book. Let me just finish reading the third one on fear. I promise to finish before Sunday. Boo.

Two Ideas About Fear of Which I'm Uninterested

2008-08-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

I've read a lot of books on fear recently and when I note the word "books," I mean three books. And when I note the word "read," I mean finished one, got halfway through another, and just started a third one yesterday. I took notes on the first two and don't recall much at this moment. The third book has one underlying theme, which is included in its subtitle: courage. Courage is one thing I'm not interested in covering in my new book about fear and doubt. I'll also intend to leave out hope and faith as well.

The other area of fear I'd like to not focus upon is related to psychology and biology. While I may want to touch upon Hans Selye's "Fight or Flight Response" with regard to the "Stress Response," I won't be covering stress or stress management or what happens within as human beings when we face those "non-specific responses to the demands in our lives."

My book will cover creative ways to go from scaredy cat to top dog by using two powerful weapons in our arsenal of protective gear: knowledge and attitude. My hopes are to not use the word "courage" once in the book beyond explaining my reasons for not mentioning courage throughout the book.

Finally, hearing "it's been done before" is actually making me feel good.

The First Time I Learned About Experiential Marketing

2008-08-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

The first time I learned about experiential marketing was potentially the same exact time I had experienced it for the first time, too. I was a Junior at The University of Maryland and an MTV "Campus Invasion" tour came to our school. I remember a few tents with some activities and certainly a few marketing tie-ins and complimentary treats from sponsors such as Neutrogena, Master Card, and Best Buy.

After the tour had left the campus, I had passed by the event area and noticed one of the banners there. I did what any student would do: I grabbed it and ran for the hills. I eventually used it as a floor mat in my residence hall room for a month or two before leaving for the semester. This was at the same time that I had decorated my room with a beach theme. Apparently, I valued bringing the beach experience into my university "living and learning" unit. Palm trees made of paper and empty rolls from carpets sold to new students in the courtyard combined with blue skies and clouds comforted me during that school year.

Perhaps it was developing the perfect "experience" in my room combined with experiencing my first experiential marketing program that silently introduced me to what I'd be focusing on a few years down the road. A road that would be over 2,500 miles away in sunny San Diego, Calif. Experiences can be priceless. That's why some experiential marketing programs can be expensive.

Many years later, it only makes sense to me that I've contributed towards over 100 national live marketing programs for big name companies that have motivated consumers to buy new products. My marketing keynote, "The Power and Profit of Experiential Marketing," explores the impact of live marketing in the 21st century. Should you know of someone thirsty for a compelling presentation that includes how I contributed towards the experiential marketing program that led to a $4.1 billion buyout of VitaminWater by Coca Cola, just let me know. You may even get a complimentary sample.

Am I Ready to Start Writing the Book Now?

2008-08-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

After a few months of creativity, I'm not longer compelled to continue my previous efforts of developing new titles and subtitles for my next book. I may be set (for now) to start writing. Here are four reasons why I'm ready to start writing:

1) I'm satisfied with the latest title and subtitle.
2) I understand that more changes are possible.
3) I've been preoccupied with other forms of creativity.
4) I feel prepared to starting writing again.

The expression about buying a house before the furniture comes to mind. I've written seven books - is it necessary to write yet another one?

Yes.

This will be the first book ever that I write in which a publisher does not ask me to write. Self-publishing has been the objective for the past year or so. However, I am open to the alternative idea of Random House or Penguin dropping me a line. We begin tomorrow! I begin tomorrow. You just keep reading. Read all you want. I'll write more.

The Truth About Fear and Doubt

2008-08-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

We've gotten it all wrong, people. There's good fear and bad fear. Good doubt and bad doubt. How does one differentiate, separate, and investigate? Easy. Write a book on the subject.

"But Jared, you're not an expert on the subject of fear and doubt. They won't buy the book." (Fear)

"But Jared, what if no one buys enough copies? What then?" (Doubt)

Boy oh boy... the things we tell ourselves. The things those closest to us tell us, too. And let's not forget the strangers who barely know us at all. Finally, how about the experts in publishing: the best selling authors, the publishing execs., and the research? What if they all say, "Keep your day job, Jared," but my day job is based on one inconsistent thing?

Creativity.

The book will indeed be about our relationships with fear and doubt, how we allow it in our lives and how we take advantage of it. It'll be about a fun look at frightening and sometimes very scary subject.

To satisfy everyone's preferences, I could design a book and its accompanying concept for each person: a customized book. I could even include their name and personal stories. Now sure, the book would cost about $1000 each. They sure would enjoy it, though. And it would last them a lifetime. And they could even pass it on within their family.

This isn't sarcasm by the way, it's just a potential creative idea. That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me... write.

It's Okay to Judge a Book by Its Cover

2008-08-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

At what point does a person decide they've come up with a brilliant idea or concept? When can they put down their tools and accept their pure genius? Their best-selling idea? Having spent ten months recently talking about a book I'm not writing, I am now focused on a new book which I am intending to write. I mean it this time.

The challenge is the cover. I really enjoy designing it. This way. That way. While the look remains consistent, it's the title that's keeping me in a cyclical pattern of redesigning. By changing the title, the cover is slightly modified. Every day. For weeks.

I thought I was done during the past 24 hours. Then I started thinking some more. Starting from scratch (sic), I intend to write a book on fear and doubt that will take a fun look at a serious topic, encourage people to "get over it," and provide me with a great keynote speech on creativity. Oh, and I want there to be a cat and dog theme. Scaredy cat, top dog - you get the picture.

Now, if I could only commit to that image, I could start writing the darn book.

Nothing to Fear (Including Fear Itself)

2008-08-13T21:17:00.000-07:00

Do you know which former President of the United States said this popular quote?: "Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself." No matter who he was, he could have been more positive. It was FDR that is known for this saying around the time of the World War II. I wonder what would have come about in the nation had he mentioned something along the lines of there being nothing to fear as long as Americans were well-informed, and understood, accepted, and forgave people for things which they did not respect.

There is nothing to fear. Why would we want to go fearing fear? Sometimes we can use fear to protect us from harm. Other times, we take advantage of fear and use it to our disadvantage without considering the consequences.

There sure is a lot of talk about fear and doubt these days. Someone should really write a book about the topic, but do so from a fun perspective. Yes, a serious and sometimes misunderstood topic combined with a light-hearted take on understanding it and as my mom would say, "Getting over it" would be nice.

Fear doesn't have to be such a bad thing in our lives. When it is a bad thing, however, there are often ways to recognize when it's best for it to be the worst. Are my writing skills getting any better? Just you wait, kids, just you wait.

Adding "Voice Over Artist" to My Creative Portfolio

2008-08-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

For many years, people have been telling me that I could use my strong voice professionally beyond experiential marketing and public speaking. I've made friends with a few voice over artists along my journey and never considered adding that venue to my creative portfolio. It seemed fitting though at the time, I simply wasn't interested or prepared to make it a priority.

Things have changed, my friends. Today, I submitted an audition for that Newber application project which will be for business presentations, sales, and their web site. You can hear it on Voice123.com. Click here: Jared Meyer and you'll find the demo on the middle right-hand column. Isn't that neat, kids?

If you're familiar with voice over demos, they usually include a variety of examples of work combined with music in the background. Perhaps one day, I'll have a demo that we can all be proud of. Until then, this will do just fine.

Can Some Ideas Be Too Creative?

2008-08-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

I recently promoted the upcoming movie, "Hamlet 2," at the annual Comic-Con in San Diego. This event had over 120,000 attendees over the four-day show. The comedy is about an awful actor who becomes a terrible high school drama teacher. He comes up with an idea that is rather absurd to me and calls the script, "Hamlet 2." Besides one of the characters in the show being potentially offensive to certain people, the concept is wacky. As you may know, the main characters in Shakespeare's Hamlet die at the end of the play. Due to the inclusion of a time machine, the high school production of H2 in the movie moves forward successfully. The idea can be viewed as silly, stupid, cute, or a work of genius. Who is to say what it is or what it isn't? The juxtaposition of theater and film combined with some imagination and letting go can sometimes lead to a neat idea. Even one that is perhaps too creative.

Creativity Killed the Cat

2008-08-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

Curiosity can sometimes seem harmless compared to the potency of creativity. I bet you never heard of the cat that died because it was compelled to update its web site each week. Or the feline friend that passed on after coming up with over 50 titles for its next book (before even having a chance to start writing it!). I feel that it is easy to deal with curiosity: stay or go; seek or hide. One finds out the truth or doesn't. Then, if they're still alive, they move on.

Creativity is a silent killer. When is a painting really finished? At what point does a writer decide that the poem they are writing is complete? Are works of art, literature, or architecture ever really done?

The same justification for explaining a misinterpreted "lie" is the same as one I could easily come up with regard to my next book: change. In this instance, I'm not afraid of change - I readily embrace it. It's the concern that I won't be able to change the cover, the title, the concept, the chapter structure, or any single word after I'm done without some consequences.

Fourteen versions or revisions before 100 copies are sold? Ridiculous; it's true. This is not a matter of perfectionism. It's the power of creativity. Paintings could always take more color or texture. Poems could often include an additional stanza. Songs could sometimes take on another few lines.

This cat loves creativity. Does he fear it as well? It's time to think outside the litter box.

The Commercial That Never Made It

2008-08-09T23:22:00.001-07:00

I heard awhile back that one of a few commercials that I worked on never made it to the big leagues. Above is a still shot from the commercial. I'm the only adult male in the scene - the cat with the light, blue shirt. We jump because of our excitement. Pretty neat. There was a scene that never made it in which I stated something along the lines of me being happier that my lady friend was losing weight. What a guy!

The Power of Public Transportation

2008-08-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

I've lived in San Diego, Calif., for over six years and today was the first time ever that I took the bus somewhere. And where? To downtown to see two shows. One was a dress rehearsal of "The Phantom of the Opera" with my new friend, Trista. She's preparing to be "Christine," a lead-role mind you and will begin next month. Her tour leaves San Diego on Sunday. The other show was determined last minute. "tick, tick... BOOM!" was a show I learned about a few months ago and magically or randomly, I learned it was playing tonight downtown. Oh what a day. Easy, convenient, safe, and smart, public transportation in San Diego is pretty powerful.

Today's Commercial Shoot for "Newber"

2008-08-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought I had enough experience being creative on the set of television shows or commercials, I returned to San Diego shortly after the National Speakers Association convention in NYC for another taste of TV work. "Newber" is a service that will be launched at the end of the month. It's an application on the iPhone that will allow users to do some pretty magical stuff. I instantaneously become the silent spokesperson for Newber. We'll see if I can lock in the speaking part in the commercial. Expect some press from this project, kids.

My First National Commercial

2008-08-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

For many years, I have sought creativity in many forms: professional speaking, writing books, designing logos and web sites, writing songs, singing, and playing piano, and even taking a few stabs at acting and modeling. The "Swiss Colony" commercial was my first nationwide attempt at contributing towards the sales of a pretty well-known brand. The challenge? I didn't say a single word.

Limiting the Use of Lousy Labels

2008-06-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

We sure do like to categorize things. We love to describe things with one or two defining words that we feel accurately, completely, and honestly provide explanations. It's all relative, though. And who are we to say that someone is or is not something? I wonder if feelings would be spared if our comments were started more often with, "I feel that..." or, "If I were to choose one word to describe X, it could be Z."

Here are some very basic examples of negative labeling (cognitive distortions according to professionals):
(1) "That was a bad movie."
(2) "What are you, crazy?"
(3) "The book was too long."
(4) "That's not funny."

I bet that so much goes into stereotyping and categorizing. I feel that less harm could be done if we allowed more and labeled less. I would like to take an active approach towards being less descriptive (and critical) and more accepting.

Once upon a time relatively recently, a friend of mine told someone that they wanted something better than that which was provided. The other person came off as being defensive and angry. Had my friend said, "I would like something different," instead of "better," feelings may not have been hurt.

What he meant, what she heard... sometimes, it's nice not to express yourself at all. Or explain yourself. One may sometimes be misunderstood. One may often be misunderstood. Especially when someone is trying to be funny. Comic delivery is a challenge to some. I admire those who can communicate humor without asking for delivery advice after wards. I'm often found asking people if something I said moments prior was funny or at least worth using again in the future.

More Naughty Examples:

(1) "Those people aren't very smart."
(2) "That author's books are awful."
(3) "He's short."
(4) "You're weird."

It would be nice to use the phrase, "I feel that" and either "some" or "many" in the same sentence when describing something. Less people could be offended. Keeping one's mouth shut is possibly the best way to prevent conflict. There are probably better ways. I mean different ways. That may provide different results. That are better.

Leave Me Alone (But Just Don't Leave Me)

2008-06-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

Dreaming of Solitude. I've heard that some people may have a fear of being alone. Some people, but most people? Disregarding research, the worst way towards experiencing credibility, I consider how many people desire being in a relationship, actively date to approach the opportunity for consistent companionship, or those that keep their schedule full with dinners and drinks.

My work is very social. Most often, I am speaking with people any day that I am working. As teh evening approaches and my "free time" strikes, the last thing I often say that I want to do is socialize. Beyond the workday, while I"m not completely comfortable having weekends off, I also won't imagine spending my weekend with many people. I get paid to be social.

Don't get me wrong, in addition to my "social work," I have chosen to associate with a good number of people. While most relationships aren't deep, I have good people in my life that are easily accessible for further relationship development.

Less is more. At the rate that I"m going, I could spend eight hours a day emailing contacts and building upon relationships. If I took this route, what would come of it? Would it be better to invest that time or any time for that matter towards connecting with people in my industry, decision makers, meeting planners, etc?

I'm truly amazed at how people invest so much of their time and effort towards other people. For a moment, I consider my best friend, Vito. I've known him since 2nd grade and until most recently, we've had consistent contact. Except that one semester in college where we didn't' talk much at all.

Recently, over two months had passed without hearing from him. I wasn't disappointed nor shocked at this disappearance. We didn't grow apart. We just moved forward. Consider, the time that he could make available towards maintaining a live connection to his oldest friend, I understand why nearly no time was taken to do so.

Vito lives where he works. He's the general manager of a restaurant/bar/nightclub in the Lower East Side of NYC. He may work a lot. He has relationships with his family, friends from college, friends he's picked up along the way, and anyone and everyone he's met while working in NYC. His work, too, is social. It's probably too social. Like my work. Just with alcohol. And food. Music, too.

Prioritization 101. Am I important to Vito? Yes. Does he choose to have a lot on his plate? Yes. Is this okay with him? Yes. With me? Yes. I understand where he is and what he is going through. I can relate. That's probably why I've not reached out to him either the past few months. As my mom would ask, "Is it really necessary?" Nope.

Why? I like being alone. I am often consumed with contacts, so any chance that is taken to be alone is valuable to me. I don't need to have constant contact with people. It just happens anyway. There are too many people in my life, but at the same time, I feel that there are not enough.

My Fan Club. Social networking sites are a pleasure because I like seeing what people in my life are doing without having to ask first. Few people in my network online inquire within about me, but when they do, I like it a lot. I have a continuous desire to be thought of by people that I know. The price to pay, however, is the obligation to respond. Sometimes I think, "Leave me alone, but just don't leave me." Are you still there?

Managing Fear and Doubt to Experience Positive Change

2008-06-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

My perspective on the purse... Most of us have money. It's located in our purses, wallets, checking or saving accounts, IRAs, retirement plans, or coffee cans. Good for us. We've made some good choices: earning income, investing income, and saving income.

Now what?

If you've been aware of what's happening in our country, you may be holding onto a specific perspective that may be making you feel bad. And that perspective is probably based on fear and doubt.

Fear and doubt about your current earnings, savings, and costs of living. Fear and doubt about your employment situation. Fear and doubt about the potential of choosing to make significant life changes.

For a brief moment, I would like you to challenge yourself in wiping away any and all thoughts that you currently have about your condition and situation. Just let everything go.

Now, believe for a moment that what you think affects how you feel. Believe that only you have the choice to think good or bad thoughts about something.

Take another moment, and think positive thoughts about the economy, your job, your income, your money, your expenses, and all of the stuff that is required to exist as a human being without a trust fund.

Consider these six thoughts: (1) I am grateful for my situation and know it could be worse. (2) I am happy with my current condition and intend to actively improve my life and situation. (3) Money is easily attainable if one invests in earning it. (4) Facing reality, I am prepared to make positive changes that would allow me to simplify my life and focus on the things that matter most. (5) While money isn't everything, I will be making more of it very soon. (6) Rather than feel badly about myself, I will take some time and think about those less fortunate then me.

Don't you feel good now? I do.

Now, I'm not one to criticize fear and doubt. In fact, I understand that it often protects us from making hasty decisions or stupid mistakes. Beyond your basic survival tactics, however, why beat yourself up by thinking bad thoughts about things you can change in your life? If I had $1.00 for each negative thought Americans have had based on fear and doubt, I bet (not much, though - I know how to diversify) I could earn enough to take care of thousands of people very well for many years to come.

Take advantage of fear and doubt. Use it to improve your condition and change your situation. You've probably heard of the expression: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Make fear and doubt your best friends, write them a "thank you" card, and work with them on improving your life today. Do yourself a favor. No matter what happens in your life. Try to think positive. I know it's not easy, but why change your lifestyle for a moment when you can change your life? Use fear and doubt to motivate you to make positive changes right now.

Fighting Biology

2008-06-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

"What do you think of this book title?" It's a question that I've probably asked over 100 people during the past 10 months. It's been nearly a year of enjoyable brainstorming and I'm finally ready to move on to something new. Clearly I wasn't committed to writing a health book because I wasn't committed to even writing an article on the subject. Or even a blog. I did come up with an outline, however.

Okay, I get it folks. Americans don't want to work towards improving their health, their careers, or their relationships unless it's super easy. That's fine. And I understand if many people wouldn't be motivated to buy a book with the words "work," "managing," "health," and "full-time job" in it. One's addiction to fighting biology keeps personal coaches and professional speakers employed. And for those people who don't recruit nor hire qualified professionals to help reach optimal health, experience job satisfaction, or improve relationships, what happens to them and their organizations?

Life goes on. Work goes on. Love, too. (But what about the biology?) The biology! Do you recall learning about the Survival of the Fittest? Natural Selection? I'd be the first to admit to earning a "C" in biology in high school, but I do recall the interesting stuff. And from personal experience, I know very well that one can only fight biology for so long. Here's the top six challenges I've often faced while attempting to be productive, work, and build my career:

1) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat now." My response: "Soon."
2) Digestion: Biology says, "Now!" My response: "In 60 seconds."
3) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat again now." My response: "So soon?"
4) Fitness: Biology says, "Move now." My response: "Even more?"
5) Nutrition: Biology says, "Eat more now." My response: "Again?"
6) Exhaustion: Biology says, "Sleep now." My response: "Later."

The list can continue on including relaxation, stress management, and body-maintenance strategies. Often while attempting to focus on productivity, my biology has reminded me that life management if not about self-management or work/life balance. Life management is based on survival and biology. The other stuff is lifestyle management.

When it comes to "fighting biology," physical survival is just the first chapter of the big, scary topic. I'm mentally prepared to begin divulging what I have in mind for the next part, but biology is telling me, "Sleep, Jared." How do we ever get anything done these days? "Sleep, Jared." To sleep, "per chance to dream?" Well, that's productive, too, so count me in!

Time Management is a Myth

2008-06-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

While speaking on behalf of Monster.com, one of the key components of one of my motivational speeches was time management. I shared with audiences the perception that time was more valuable than money. I even worked with them on proving how valuable time is compared to the dollar. Money management, however, is pretty easy. One considers what they have and they make specific choices. Even budgets are created based on what people have. The individual has the power to control their money however they wish to control it. Money management makes sense to me. Cents, too, if one makes smart choices. Easy.

Here's where I'm stuck: it's time management that now baffles me. You see, whether or not we like it, time goes by. Time is a resource that is abundant like flowing water in a stream. You can't turn it off. You can't manage it. And sure, it can stop at any... time. There are experts in "time management" and professional speakers who focus upon the subject. Yet, can one manage something that can't be touched, traded, modified, or saved?

Imagine you've got an entire weekend. You've got two days and plenty of time. Time, mind you, that will pass before you whether or not you attempt to manage it. I wouldn't bother trying to manage your time, anyway. The solution, mind you, is to firstly, put aside the expression, "time management," and focus on what you may actually be doing - managing your actions. While I would consider using the phrase, "priority management," I know from experience that priorities aren't necessarily important tasks. I feel that priorities are often just really important objectives with no deadline.

Why didn't "action management" become popular? Why did "time management" win the popularity contest? Don't get me wrong. I have a deep love for time and a very personal relationship with it. I just don't attempt to control or manage it given that I understand its needs. All it needs is to just keep going. Like most relationships in my life, when it comes to my relationship with time, I apply understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, and we get along well. Time's up!

Professional Speakers are Like Superheroes

2008-06-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

The second question a speaker is often asked if they don't explain what they do initially is, "What's your topic?" This is a question that has baffled me for years while growing my speaking business. If my topics are marketing, management, and motivation, I can always include change, creativity, entrepreneurship, self-management, relationships, or writing. And more. I understand why we must focus on one or two topics, but so many of them are interrelated.

When I think of professional speakers (most speakers motivate during many of their talks anyway, you know), I relate them to superheroes because they have the ability to make big impacts in the lives of many. Have you ever met a superhero known for only helping one person at a time? Saving only one life at a time? I have not.

Speakers have a variety of skills that often far exceed those of a traditional expert or leader. Speakers have hidden "utility belts" with tools that can inspire, educate, and challenge both good and evil.

To remain competitive, speakers are often encouraged to have very specific topics and to be focused in a specific niche. They are even supported in creating their own niche, if possible. You may find someone like Mike Rayburn, "The World's Funniest Guitar Virtuoso." This is a superhero with whom I've had the pleasure of working and besides having great character and communication skills, he's got a powerful weapon as well as the unique ability to use it competitively.

We've got professional speakers whose topics include inspiration and motivation. Speakers like Jackie Pflug who survived death during an airplane terrorist attack or W Mitchell who survived both a motorcycle accident as well as a plane crash. These passionate and talented individuals can probably relate their experiences to anyone who has faced challenges big or small.

These days, I feel that many people consider themselves authors and many less consider themselves professional speakers. The National Speakers Association continues to support experts who speak without ignoring the others who speak. At what point, however, does a person become an expert? How many degrees, publications, books, or years of experience is necessary to save the day? Sometimes, I bet the question decision makers ask is not, "Which expert is available to speak?" but, "Which speaker is available?" Even superheroes can't be in two places at the same time.

Which reminds me - I've got to get to work. If you need me, use the signal.

Minor Coincidence Related to My College Major

2008-05-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

I majored in finance and never intended to use it beyond graduation for professional purposes. I didn't pursue a job on Wall Street after graduating eight years ago from college for two reasonable reasons. The first was based on my long-term goals of being a speaker and author. The second reason was because,"While I like numbers, I don't want to sit behind a computer all day."

Eight years later, I look back and realize how I ended up spending much of my time working in front of a computer anyway. If that's not enough, the current program I'm working on is for American Express and I recently realized that I'm using my major. So apparently - or coincidentally - I did "use my major" (finance) from UMaryland.

Why'd I keep my major? I thought I'd apply the knowledge to my personal life and thought it was a great idea to graduate with a strong major. Beyond graduation, I don't recall interviewing for one finance job. Maybe I didn't want an office job. Perhaps I didn't want to work for someone. After four years of structure in college, I wasn't enthusiastic about experiencing more of it.

During my senior year, I had just one job interview on the campus. It was with Unilever's Best Foods division regarding a logistics position. Was I a good candidate? Doubtful. I wasn't a logistics major fellas. Why'd I interview? I'll tell you why: I loved Lipton Iced Tea and the corporate office was located a few miles from my Dad's condo. Convenience and brand recognition motivated me to apply. Not the job. Nor the opportunity. Marketing motivated me.

This would have been my final marketing lesson while in college, which covered the power of brand loyalty. Beyond Lipton, after four years of living and learning at UM, I was about to leave campus branded for life as a Maryland Terrapin. I recognize this now because during my recent visit to the campus, there were UM logos everywhere - students and staff were plastered with them, buildings had logos, and even flags were branded. I realize that UM can be related to Google or Pepsi - huge marketing efforts lead to loyal consumers. Maybe that's why I've got eight years of "real world" marketing experience. They made me fall in love with marketing.

What about my finance major? Don't ask about my personal investments. When it comes to that, I definitely didn't use my major. I must have not showed up the day we learned about diversification and stop-loss orders. Now, I know when to say enough is enough. Go Terps!

EnTITLEment Issues

2008-05-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

About ten months ago, I came up with what I felt was a unique idea that would make a nifty concept for my first book for adults. It was originally called: Occupation Nation: How to Treat Your Health Like It's a Full-Time Job. Over the past few months, the title has experienced the following changes:

(1) "Occupation Nation" was pulled because it confused people. Some thought it was a war book.
(2) "Treat" was erased because it may have been misconstrued as a fatty play on words.
(3) Corporations like management books, so "Managing Your Health..." could have worked, but unless they're requested to read a management book, Americans may be unlikely to buy one themselves.
(4) "Full-Time" was dropped as few people like working full-time and may have misunderstood the intent.
(5) "Job" needed to go, since few Americans truly love their jobs.
(6) The main title was replaced with "Body Work," but people hate work even more than their job.
(7) Replacing Job with "Money" was a brief idea, but for those with money issues, they may not be able to relate well to the book given their financial challenges given the economy. Then again, they wouldn't buy the book anyway...

So... that leaves me with Body ____: ____ Your Health Like It's _____.

If many Americans' health, money, and relationships are facing significant challenges, would they have the ability and interest to even buy a book? Too tired to read, no money to buy the book, and no time to read given their obligations to their loved ones sounds like three powerful barriers to entry to me.

Lately, I've been coming up with a lot of book concepts. I don't seem to be able to turn it off. That is, I haven't chosen to turn it off just yet. I'm almost done and yet I have just begun. What's an author to do?

What have I done?

2008-05-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly five months since I've last written. Here's why:

Accountability - I assumed readership was low, I wasn't being compensated immediately for my efforts, and I was fulfilled (or distracted) by other activities.

Discipline - While I had built up a pretty nice flow of entries up until New Years Day, the traditional new year's "fresh start" may have been too fresh.

Perfectionism - I wasn't motivated to write because based on previous entries, I felt that my work had to be creative and exceptional compared to the relatively average journal entries I'd written in the past.

I once considered the idea of having daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly meetings with myself to maintain consistency with regard to my creativity, productivity, and career. Considering this is my first "meeting" of the year, what have I done? What have I done since New Years Eve?

Health Management - I've continued my commitment towards reaching optimal health since the new year. "Proper" nutrition, exercise, relaxation, and living life as though I felt I was on vacation has worked out well for me.

Travel & Trade Shows - I've been traveling the country, working for Ogilvy on behalf of American Express, sharing my book concept with people, and spending time with friends and family.

Volunteer Work - As founding president of the Leonia High School Alumni Association, I've contributed towards increasing membership from 40 to nearly 500 within two months. Today, we even received our first financial contribution that will go towards covering the costs of our web site.

Online Social Life - The plethora of web sites on which I've spent time connecting with people has led me to experience a bit of overload. The paralysis has mostly affected my work given that technology (or what I have recently been calling "Fatal Distraction") calls to me like a siren from mythology.

Moving forward...

I will... exercise daily - even if it means doing push-ups upon entering a new room.

I will... write daily - even if it means writing a short, uninspiring, mediocre entry about my day or life.

I will... limit the time and effort spent using technology for personal purposes.

I will... treat my career as if it's my job.

I will.... write again tomorrow.

New Fears Eve: Should old addictions be forgot?

2007-12-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

The new year is moments away and millions of people are filled with a plethora of feelings. Hundreds of thousands of them are feeling good, optimistic about 2008, and grateful for the past year 12 months. Hundreds of thousands of them are attempting to feel good about the past year, potentially disregarding what's about to come, and focused on the moment. And then there's the rest, feeling different things at different moments about different hopes and challenges they are about to face very, very soon.

It feels just like yesterday that I was starting the new year with stunning excitement. While I have no recollection of most of my intentions for 2007 beyond New Years day, I had no fears about what was to come. In fact, I had great faith that I was continuing my journey towards the next level of success, comfort, and joy.

This year was a big one for me:

I extensively improved my health by including chiropractic, massage, and an active membership to a fitness club.
On Valentines Day, I decided to stop eating meat, chicken, and pork.
I was accepted by the National Speakers Association as a professional member and had the best week of my life in July during their convention here in San Diego.
I started off the year by writing relatively extensively - and ended the year writing just the same.
It's often funny how I forget one pretty significant life-change event. I bought my first home. Investment. Home. Investment. During the summer, I told my best friend that within six months I would buy my first place. I moved in within two months or so. How's that for the "Law of Attraction?"
Activating the "I Love You Social Strategy" within my family (aka expressing feelings after nearly 30 years).
Finally, I developed the concept of my next book using a title I came up with three years ago. A concept so rare and powerful that I feel confident that it will plow a path for my future. Unless it's been done before. I am excited about "Occupation Nation" and what it will do for my life, career, and millions of people.

This year, I faced a few fears, learned about the general limitations we create by understandable, though absurd and unnecessary, self-talk, and have learned to work smarter. Can one be addicted to procrastination? While I'm still guilty of leaving projects to the very last minute, I have begun to fight the temptation of, well, the temptation of avoiding what often awaits me.

In 2008, I will work towards helping millions of people fight their current addictions to the distractions that dissuade them from feeling and doing better, and having more of what is intangible. Touching, isn't it?

It Doesn't Have to be Painful to Pay-in-Full

2007-12-30T20:43:00.001-08:00

These days, people who use credit cards are often provided with a great opportunity to borrow money for a short period of time for nearly pennies. In addition to the benefits of having a few weeks up until a few months to pay back what they owe, they can earn rewards like frequent flier miles, miscellaneous items, or even cash back. To come out on top, all credit card users have to do is one basic thing: pay-in-full.

That's all it takes to be a winner when using credit cards. Pay back - in full - exactly what you essentially borrowed from a company. What happens if you don't pay-in-full when the money is due? No legs are broken and no death threats are given. Interest rates are the "punishment" and more often than not, they are relatively high. So high, that some people may prefer physical pain compared to the mental anguish of owing companies 20-25% in interest based on the money they borrowed.

Why's it so difficult to pay-in-full consistently no matter what the scenario in life? It seems as though, "When the option is there, some people just don't care." Long-term financial suffering is easy to deal with compared to the immediate fear of not having money to spend. I understand that if times are tough and one needs money, that they can turn to credit cards to help out for a few weeks or a month.

The conflict occurs when the credit card customer lacks or loses discipline and accountability and splurges on the unnecessary purchases in life. If one can't afford non-essential purchases like fast-food, electronics, music, and entertainment, they don't have to cost 25% more long-term in order to have those fun things in the present. Why do they do it?

Buying things feels good. Shopping can be fun. Society says it's quite okay to borrow. So many people have interest in paying interest, but they probably lack the thorough understanding of what it all means in the long-run. Long-term; long-run; future - are they not thinking big?

Maybe they are thinking big. Perhaps they feel they'll be able to cover their current costs in the future. Right after they go shopping. Imagine what it would be like if instead of using credit cards, consumers had the discipline to only pay cash for their fun purchases. Now that sounds like fun.

It's Not Easy Being Lean

2007-12-29T19:35:00.000-08:00

In high school, I truly enjoyed my daily dosage of Otis Spunkmeyer's cookies in the lunchroom cafeteria. In fact, during my senior year at LHS, I loved eating lunch there. Those cookies played a tasty role in my pleasure of having lunch provided at our school. Three cookies for a dollar and a thing or two of milk and I was in heaven.

In college, my options tripled. At the Ellicott Dining Hall, where I had most of my meals during my final three years at The University of Maryland, cookies were a popular treat. Though there was so much more. I'm talking bakery here, kids. There was one semester I bought a huge vat of chocolate ice cream and kept it in the freezer in the student lounge on my floor of my residence hall.

Oh, the milkshakes. And the cake! They had cupcakes, too! My goodness, my memories of my college years emphasize so many experiences, and one of them is the delectable treats I consumed. The funny thing is that I never gained the popular "Freshman 15" or "Sophomore 60." Kidding about the 60 lbs.

I didn't gain much weight due to a variety of reasons. My age, genetics (thanks, Mom!), the quantity of fattening foods which I consumed (limited), and of course - the physical activities I experienced. I recall consistent times I went to the gym every other day for resistance training (lifting). I remember playing racquetball rather frequently at times (cardio). I may have even ran at some point. For sure, I rollerbladed throughout college as well.

How'd I look? Just fine. In fact, I looked pretty good, but knew that I could feel and appear much better. After graduation, I didn't belong to a gym and didn't have an exercise routine. During some winters while in the NYC area, my closest friends were apple sauce, mozzarella cheese, "Pastina" (pasta), and hot cocoa. Without the exercise, my genetics must have come to the rescue.

Fast forward many years and you would have found me rarely having dessert after meals. You would have also rarely found me watching television. And surprisingly or not, you would have found me not exercising. This year, I begin running consistently and joined a fitness club. I started doing yoga consistently, too.

As the year comes to an end, I have come so far compared to whom I was physically (and mentally for sure) at the start of the year. While I've cut out running to prevent knee-issues, I've replaced it with 30 minutes of cardio work at the gym. I've increased the weights while doing my resistance work. Additionally, during a short period where I wasn't physically active, I did notice my body appear, well, getting sloppy. I immediately started exercising again and noticed the changes over a few weeks.

Before I consider consuming something highly fattening, I hope to think briefly, "Which do you prefer feeling - strong and lean or thick and mean?" Clearly, I know which types of food can make me happier than others. Do you know which ones will make you happier? I'm beginning to believe you are what you eat. For example, do you want to be firm and bright like a carrot, or soft and thick like a cupcake? Think about that the next time you reach for your next treat.

Children Playing the Game Called "Office"

2007-12-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

There's only one game that I recall playing with my older sister when I was younger. That game, my friends, was called, "Office." We had our own desks with office supplies and that's the extent of my memory. I'm unsure which roles each of us had played, but it's clear that we were emulating our parents at the time. Personally, I probably enjoyed the experience because it was one where my sister and I had shared a cooperative experience which must have been based on her leadership. I also enjoyed the experience because it allowed me to have a bit of control and feel simply organized. "Oh, what an organized desk," I must have thought. "Life is good."

Given my limited memory, I'm unsure how long the game lasted or if assignments were distributed. Hell, I'm unsure if there were any responsibilities involved while playing the game. Or, if it was even a game in the first place. It must have been. I received no compensation and my sister must not have received anything either (even while acting as babysitter) given our ages. I'm intrigued to consider the current game of, "What If." For example, what if one of our parents were in the construction business? Would we have been more prone to playing a game related to building and development?

Who wants brownies? Who wants to watch cartoons? Who wants to play Office? Speaking of unusual employment-like games children once may have enjoyed playing (and may still enjoy playing), as I grew older, my interests turned from playing games in an office-like environment to receiving great enjoyment from organizing the closet in my bedroom. While there were no office supplies inside, once again, I would enjoy the power and control - and feelings of being well-organized - by cleaning up and cleaning out my closet. At one point, I posted a title of an article from the NY Times to the top of my closet door: "Marching Out of the Closet." A few family members misinterpreted what I found funny about the title.

Upon reaching a certain level of organizational skills with regard to my closet, I was prepared for the highest "honor" of controlling my environment. That, of course, was rearranging my bedroom furniture. Sometimes weekly. Was I a control freak? Nope. I just enjoyed the changes. A new environment was refreshing although it was something I was already used to, since I was living in two homes every other week since our parents' divorce. It's a good thing we stopped playing Office by that time in our lives. If we hadn't, we would have had to have pretended to work at two locations.

Full-Time Isn't Necessarily the Right Time

2007-12-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

Today I quickly reviewed a document that I created nearly five years ago called a "Life Plan." It covered the main aspects of my life from birth until my impending death. The document went as far as noting not only notable moments in my education and career, but even the specific year that I would die. There's nothing more to discuss with regard to that aspect of the life strategy other than the fact that I added another 15 years to my original 85 year lifespan. In 2007, I've never gone further in improving my health and from what I've learned, I'm well on my way to lengthening my stay on earth.

Something else that was more interesting to me was another edit that I made. I circled "Full-Time" next to the word "Speaker." Back in 2003, I felt that the pinnacle of career success would be met as a full-time speaker. Apparently, I believed that only truly successful people are successful when they're working full-time. Boy, was I wrong. While I would love to do what I love full-time, that's a lot of work. Who needs it? Even the easiest or most enjoyable full-time work in the world is still work.

I wonder if generations of Americans are being trained to view success as the result of full-time effort. If so, is 35 hours enough? 40 hours? Perhaps 60-100 hours per week is what it would take during one's preliminary successful years to reach the pinnacle of their careers. More impressive to me would be those cats that have become successful (in my eyes at the very least) by doing very little while making the biggest contributions to their own lives and beyond.

This misconception reminds me of those online dating profiles. Users have the option of noting their income. What I would like to see is also how much they are spending and how much they are saving. Income levels don't necessarily represent lifestyle or comfort, especially when you consider the tax implications of employment income or business revenue. And, despite earnings potential, how much time does the person have to invest in a relationship when they're working full-time 40, 50, 60, or more hours a week? I'm surprised that people who work part-time aren't a hot commodity these days. Be sure that if you meet someone working "full-time" that it's the right time to get involved with them especially if you're working "full-time," too. Speaking of relationships... now those are full-time and from what I've learned it's not always the right time to start one. It's all in the timing.

What do you know about failure?

2007-12-25T22:56:00.000-08:00

There are millions of people out there trying new things and failing at doing them well or at all in the first place. Whether they're at home or at work, mistakes, lack of preparation, laziness, and hundreds of other "challenges" are holding Americans back from experiencing what they want. It's not as bad as you may think, however.

Have you ever heard someone say to a group of people during a presentation or group facilitation that, "There are no stupid questions," or "No wrong answers."? Such statements protect people from holding back and stagnating. Having the freedom and flexibility to open one's mouth and just communicate allows us to be creative, to share, and to face personal development by facing positive and negative criticism.

I know at least two people who need to be right and are rarely wrong. They will put up a mental fight until they are the last men standing. A solid oak tree may collapse during a tornado while the laid-back palm tree may survive another day. "Doesn't matter; they're just trees." Oh boy.

Where I am going with this? Well, tonight, I was in my kitchen preparing dinner and I imagined for a moment about my career and whether or not I had ever told myself, "I'll never be able to do this," or "I'll never be that." I've never once doubted myself nor my abilities and solid intentions of fulfilling my life's goals.

What if... why bother thinking such things? Sure, I've joked about my "Plan B," which was once becoming an actor. Such an idea is frightening as it sounds very difficult (and competitive) and I'd prefer "Plan C" instead. That being a jet ski instructor. To quote my father, "Who cares!?"

Many of us think harder than we try. Sometimes we think too much and don't try hard enough. Maybe that's why I'm not interested in doing "Plan B" - acting takes too much action. I'd rather think about being a jet ski instructor. But only when I fail. Even then, who's to say that one failure will prevent a second attempt?

Must Being "Jolly" Be Seasonal in America?

2007-12-24T21:29:00.000-08:00

They say, "'Tis the season to be jolly" and yet I wonder what Americans are supposed to be feeling during the remainder of the year. Or perhaps it's expected that the American workforce is happy throughout the year given their employment opportunities and relatively consistent incomes. Maybe this winter season is an especially happy time for most of us because of all the celebrating going on - giving thanks in November and celebrating a slew of holidays in December - the biggest of them all for many being New Years Eve.

What about those people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? I doubt they're sensing that this is the season to be jolly. I'm probably reading into the lyric of that song. My memory is pretty clear of my time spent in the NYC area shortly after graduating college. Those winters were dark ones for me. Part of me was jolly for not having living expenses to absorb. Another part of me was jolly for watching episodes of "Law and Order" up to five times per day. I wasn't jolly, however, while recognizing a complete lack of ambition, little creativity in my life, and a lack of fun and excitement.

We really don't have traditional seasons in San Diego, but if being jolly was in fact meant to be seasonal, it would feel like one long winter season to me. I've been consistently jolly since relocating to "America's Finest City" in May of 2002. Even with 60 degree weather, if the winter season is the season to definitely feel jolly, it must be winter all the time out here. Seasons greetings.

Even Super Heroes Want to Work

2007-12-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

With the question, "Why Do You Work?," on my mind during the last few days, I thought of the fictional character "Superman" today and realized that even he was compelled to get a job. Pretending to be "mild-mannered Clark Kent," why in the (fictional) world, would someone as powerful and influential as Superman choose to get a job - and keep it? Well, let's grasp the three reasons my Mom works (I asked her yesterday on the telephone) and match them up with the "Man of Steel" and his motivation.

(1) Money. My Mom's first response to my question about her working was, "Money... to pay for things." I'm sure that Superman would have been given plenty of money and even sponsorship opportunities given his knowledge, skills, and experience. I doubt he felt it necessary to earn a living like any other worker in America. So, I don't think Superman pretended to be Clark Kent in order to earn a decent living as a reporter. Superman didn't need money.

(2) Satisfaction. My Mom's second reason for working was that she enjoys what she has been doing for about 33 or so years. She stated her days in the office are pretty diverse and that she remains interested each and every day. I highly doubt that Superman was bored or dissatisfied with his super powers and traditional contribution to the human race. Why would someone so powerful and talented invest some of his precious time towards working for a daily newspaper? I don't think that he preferred being a reporter compared to a super hero, especially while neglecting the multitude of opportunities of saving lives or what-have-you between during normal business hours. Superman didn't love his job as a reporter and furthermore, he didn't love pretending to be someone else in order to do so.

(3) Human interaction. My Mom's third and final reason for working was based on the experience of working with others. She's been with the same company since 1972 (aside from taking off a few years after giving birth to my sister). My Mom has long-time friends at her office and she stated that she looks forward to going to work. She noted, too, that given that she has few interests, her work has provided her with a positive solution to killing time. Superman had plenty of experiences with humans - helping them, saving them, and working with them on improving society and the world. This cat did not need human interaction in an office environment or while on the street investigating newsworthy stories for his employer.

So - based on my Mom's motivations, Superman could not have related to her position and had no reasonable excuses to work for that publishing company in order to (1) make money, (2) experience true job satisfaction, or (3) experience human interaction. It seems to me that Superman simply did not know how to prioritize.

Why Do You Even Work?

2007-12-21T22:47:00.000-08:00

"Because that's what people did back then." This exact statement was a response that both my mother and father gave me (during separate conversations) after asking them why they had children. You can bet your bottom dollar that the next time I speak with them on the telephone that I will ask a similar question with regard to employment. I know that my Mom's been with the very same company since she graduated from college and that my Dad continues to develop his career in accounting and finance. I'm guessing that the top three reasons each of them will tell me why they've worked all of these years and why they continue to work is: (1) income, (2) health care benefits, and (3) purpose.

Money, money, money. I know it allows us to experience certain comforts, conveniences, and freedom. I understand that the costs of health care coverage are unique in the US amongst other countries. And of course, what would these two parents of mine do if they didn't have to work? While they have friends and family (purpose!) and some interests in which they could contribute more of their time, there'd have to be more, right?

The next question I will ask is, "If you were to retire today and have plenty of money to serve you well until death, how would you like to live the rest of your life?" Would they volunteer? Contribute even more towards their friends and family members' lives? Would they improve their own conditions given the vast amount of time that would become available? Why did it take 30 years for me to develop these questions? Oh, right... I've been busy - working. Why? 'Cause everyone (almost everyone) is doing it - and has been doing it. And if jobs were like children, I'd be a father with lots of children. If jobs were like children, I'd have so much more love to share. Imagine the photos of my "kids" that I could have in my wallet. I might as well fold up my resume and stick it in there instead.

Perceptions, Preferences, and Priorities

2007-09-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

In response to the blog related to the challenges that short men face when single and dating; posted originally by Evan Marc Katz.

“Perceptions, Preferences, and Priorities”

For the record, I’m 29 years of age, Caucasian, and 6'0 (without shoes), and have a very athletic build. Positive physical features aside, I have been single most of my life. Why? I value being creative and working seven days each week though conceptually I am sincerely interested in meeting someone with whom to spend the rest of my life.

I’m sensing that many Americans live in fear with regard to their romantic lives. I’ve learned recently that many times, two people decide to commit to each other due to three common, fundamental reasons: the timing was great, the opportunity stellar, and hopefully because of authentic, powerful feelings.

Personally, for years, I have felt that I won’t stop searching until I meet someone who fits my very specific requirements. I have not lived in fear while thinking, “What if I don’t meet her? What if I’m too picky?” It’s an abundant world. She is out there. Despite my specific preferences, I know that no matter what she looks like, what she does with her time and heart, and what she doesn’t do that if I know we’re truly right for each other long-term, I will make an effort to spend my life with her.

Cognitive distortions and irrational beliefs make us angry, anxious, or depressed. Please consider understanding, accepting, and forgiving others for having very specific preferences. We are always changing. He who seeks a women with X, Y, and Z today may desire one with A, B, and C tomorrow. Relax and ride the wave. Think good thoughts and think big. Well, you know what I mean.

Dating: Invest in the Best

2007-08-25T09:41:00.001-07:00

In response to Evan Marc Katz's Blog, "Who Pays For The First Date?"

Great blog, great responses. Thank you for sharing everyone. I have a few thoughts I'd like to share, which are based purely on my preferences and priorities:

(1) Financial Responsibility. Anyone who forgets their wallet or to bring cash may appear to be financially irresponsible and unprepared. If a date were to attempt to grab the check, I'd ask her about her intentions, and make light of the situation. After all, we're new friends and open communication would be required. "Whatcha doin?," I'd ask. I'd then ask her why she was interested in either paying or splitting. Would I pay, though? Yes. Would I like that? If I really like her, I'd even give her an AMEX gift card as well as a "thank you" for taking the time to meet with me. I would be grateful.

(2) Competitive Advantage. I have the feeling that many of us forget about the competitive nature of dating in the 21st century. Unlike in the past, the number of people we can meet and date now is abundant. If I meet a woman I'm wild about and don't remain competitive by showing generosity with regard to my time, money, and heart, I will lose out on courting her. It's nothing personal, it's just the business-like nature of dating. If she has two gentleman callers, both of whom are attractive, funny, and smart, and both of whom share wonderful chemistry with the woman, guess which one she'll go for most? The one who values generosity, security, and "investing in the best." Let's face it, money is not bad at all. It provides freedom and flexibility. Who doesn't want that?

(3) Invest in the Best. For many years, I had had a negative attitude towards dating and the investment required. Why do you think that is? Aside from being raised a certain way with regard to money ("it's hard to make," "you don't need to spend it," "save it just in case," "is it really necessary?," etc.), I recently realized that the reason I was against paying for dates was because I was dating women that weren't right for me. You put me in touch with an awesome woman that I can't wait to meet and I would GLADLY drop $100 on a date. Present me with a nice woman who's a time-filling distraction in my attempts to meet a life-long partner, and I will resent both her and the Starbucks at which we meet.

Perceptions, preferences, and priorities. Which are yours and what are you waiting for? Invest in the Best!

Which of Your Goals are You Most Committed to Today?

2007-08-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

What you want to do, be, or have can easily change from one moment to another. Today, you may decide that you want to jog 3-4 times each week for the rest of the year. Tomorrow, you may change your mind and determine that you'd rather walk seven days a week instead. Shift happens. We have the freedom to decide if and when we wish to shift our preferences from one thing to another. While this flexibility can be wonderful, it can also provide us with excuses and justifications that prevent us from doing what we really would ideally like to do. Without accountability, we'll continue changing our minds about what we know we really want.

In a perfect world, many of us would want to be, have, or do whatever we have always wanted for years - right now. Now! Since we are often encouraged to work towards reaching our goals, how fast we get there is based on our intentions as well as our efforts. That stuff is the easy part. The challenge is the distraction factor. We tend to be consistently faced with more messages, opportunities, projects, and ideas as we go along. Also, in some instances, while we're being more productive than we were years ago, we're also fighting a lot more distractions.

Why do some people choose to not even make a list of things to do in the morning? Why don't they make a list of things to do the night before that morning? Why aren't some people actively contributing towards being more organized, planning better, and being more accountable to themselves, their lives, and their objectives? Fear, lack of ambition, laziness, comfort, convenience... which of these represent your badge of dishonor?

A Perfect Health Care Plan on The Perfect Day

2007-08-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Imagine this! I wake up in the morning without an alarm clock. I have a healthy breakfast at the beach. I go for a jog for 30-minutes, do yoga for 30-minutes, and do resistance weight training at my local gym for 30-minutes. I do some writing for an hour. I prepare a healthy lunch and eat it. I read for an hour. I receive an hour full-body massage. I get a chiropractic adjustment. I practice my presentation skills. I correspond with people via e-mail. I prepare for dinner and a show. I have dinner and see a show with a special woman. We spend the remainder of the evening sharing intimacy and building upon our long-term serious relationship and go to sleep at a reasonable hour, providing us with 7-8 hours of interrupted sleep. Why isn't everyone doing this? My reading, writing, and practicing was actually my work for the day and while it was only three hours, there is no limitation if I were to get rolling in creativity and progress well in the moment.

That was that, this is how it is for many others... In the morning, most Americans have to prepare for work, so they don't make much time before working 8-4 or 9-5. Lunch is often not lunch time or spent at their desk or at a fast-food joint given the lack of time they have to eat a great lunch. 15-minutes to get to the restaurant, 5 minutes to use the restroom, 10 minutes to select and buy the food, 15 minutes to eat, 15 minutes to get back to the office. After work, they're focused on returning home, running errands, preparing for or ordering and eating dinner, and preparing for the next day while vegging out in front of the TV because they've been on the go in body and mind all day and just - want - to - relax. The less time we make to eat healthier and to be healthier, the less time we'll have to enjoy our lives. And for some, pain-free and disease-free lives.

I've got to ask you this: when are traditional employees most happy? Before work (breakfast), during their lunch break if they choose to take one and break away from the office (lunch), and after work (dinner). Did you ever notice how many people are most happy when they're eating? Did you ever notice that that may very well be the reason why 2/3 of our population are overweight? Why 1/4 are obese? Let's get to work and change that.

Marketing is Showing That You Really Care

2007-08-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

Nickels was right. My marketing professor in college emphasized the fact that marketing is all about relationships. Not relationships you'll have until a product is purchased or a service activated. Not relationships that are started with excitement, joy, and pleasure and fade away when new ones are created. "Marketing is the creation and maintenance of mutually-beneficial relationships," Nickels taught thousands of Maryland business school grads over the years. Maintenance is the key. This is similar to saying that it's nice that you have 500 friends, though how many of them do you know personally? Whose birthday is coming up? Do you know everyone's last name? These details show authentic care in a truly authentic and well-developed relationship.

Harvey Mackay, one of the world's best-selling authors and motivational speakers developed a system called the "Mackay 66." The system was pretty simple - it entailed profiles for everyone you know based on 66 aspects of individuals' lives. Where they're from, who they're involved with, the names of their children, their birthdates, what they like to do for fun, what their business objectives are, who they work for and with, etc. What good is having 500 people in your social network when all they are to you are potentially distracting, light associations, subtle memory-makers, and people with whom you shared some life experiences?

Marketing is essentially love. If you don't truly care about your potential clients' current condition, past history, and future goals, why bother wasting your time? Basically, why go out of your way and take the time of 500 people to have coffee when you can invest in them and have dinner? This isn't an issue of quantity vs. quality. I'm not suggesting that you select 10% and invest in your relationships with them and disregard the others. I'm attempting to make some people realize that fruitless associations aren't helping anyone beyond their egos. And fruit salad.

I'm connected to 100 people with whom I went to high school, 30 people of whom I went to college, 200 UMaryland alumni in San Diego, 100 marketing people, and another 70 or so people I've met along the way. 500 people. 500 relationships. While I know a lot of people, I don't know them that well. They currently represent connections I've made in the past which allow me to reminisce in the present. From a business perspective, little has come from these associations. I've had no expectations, so I'm not blaming anyone for anything. These light associations have been nice. Very nice.

It's time to develop these relationships, or focus heavily on creating new ones. With regard to the challenge of gaining new clients, it's been said that it's easier to keep a client than get a new one, so would that apply here? Is it easier to make new friends compared to developing friendships with people you already know? It doesn't hurt to try. It does hurt if you're disorganized and don't have a system in place to take advantage of the precious time that you have to do so. This is why relationship management systems are valuable. We have the power to decide whom to focus upon with regard to our futures and whom to reach out to for memories. Think about the long-term value of the relationship and not just the long-term value of the customer. Build new relationships or develop old ones today.

Treating Your Health Like It's Your Job

2007-08-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

It is so easy for me not to exercise when I'm on the road. The fitness center is there. In the hotel, in the area, but not in my mind. After a day of being active working (and standing a lot), when the evening comes, I feel justified in not formally exercising. "Tomorrow," I think to myself. Tomorrow, however, is another day of travel. Upon landing and reorganizing my stuff, I determine that it's not a priority. Again. "Tomorrow," I think to myself. I bet it's even more challenging when you have family obligations. I've got no excuse there when I'm in San Diego.

This year has been a risky one for me. I've been treating my health like it's my job and I've been under evaluation since January like a temp-to-hire employee at UCSD. I signed up to be in a "position" where I would actively focus and act upon eating better, jogging, doing resistance work at the gym, doing yoga, getting massages, getting chiropractic, improving my thinking process, and educating myself on how to reach optimum health. I'm approaching my nine-month review and things are looking good, but not great.

I signed up for an opportunity to consistently contribute towards a better life; to be consistent in my activities related to improving my health. I've given myself entire days and weeks - eight hours or more each day - to reach my objectives. Like it was my job.

But I have wonderful excuses, Boss. Every week since the first week of July I've been heavily involved in other commitments. A marketing program, a speaker's convention, a family member visit to San Diego, a week of searching for a condo to purchase, a trip to NYC. Lot's of great opportunities and experiences. Every week. Consistently for six weeks.

It's time to review my position and implement planning, discipline, and accountability. It's time to maintain priorities as commitments. Oh, and it's time for a healthy breakfast.

Why Don't Your Parents Make Millions of Dollars?

2007-08-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

All I ever wanted was to be a motivational speaker and best-selling published author. That was it. I had no intentions of a future filled with a wife, children, a house, a dog, a lawn, a boat, a membership to a country club. No travel plans. Just my employment goals. Why is that? Beats me. Either I was a slow learner or I wasn't raised, educated, or trained to plan my future beyond getting a solid college education that would prepare me for a job.

Why didn't I ever visualize or even think about the type of home I would own? Where I would live? Whom I would marry and with whom I would raise a family? My high school family health class was interesting and fun, but I didn't connect it to my own life. It was just a course. Of course.

I'm reading a book called "Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled - and More Miserable Than Ever Before." I don't recall being taught that I could be, do, or having anything I wanted, though. I also don't recall being heavily educated about economics, finance, quality of life issues, and cost of living considerations. Even in college, while growing up and growing out, no direct life planning was done. I did what everyone was doing. Enjoying the best four years of my life (at the time), learning a lot about stuff and myself, and winning friends and influencing people.

So recently, I learn about thinking processes and how what we think about affects our emotions and how that leads to stuff happening - all while taking action. With regard to my own thinking over the years, it appears as though I was raised to believe that it's hard to make money, that money is a scarce asset in our world, and that having a lot of money (i.e. freedom and flexibility) isn't really necessary. Things are fine just the way the are and we'll get by just fine. Have I never wanted anything at all other than an exciting and impactful job because I felt I didn't need anything else? Because I didn't want anything else? Perhaps my goals of being an author and speaker were so precise that I knew that the wealth that would come by making an impact in the lives of millions would provide me with anything I wanted. If so, that wasn't my motivation. All I ever wanted was to be... to do.... to work.

The Importance of Connecting with People in Person

2007-08-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

Are alumni events even necessary? Is spending time in person with old and new friends really that important in our media- and technology-driven society? Maybe online social networking web sites are where we're headed.

I was recently in NYC and spent a few hours with a friend I've known since nursery school. I asked her why we made the effort to get together for ice cream that day. For me, it involved the choice of waiting 30 minutes for an express bus, a 30-minute bus ride, and a 15-minute train ride. And that was just one way. For she, a walk and a train ride was all she endured. After asking my insensitive question and her appearing disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm in investing in face-to-face time together, her only response was related to the experience: having fun. I agreed with her. We did have a good time together. Other than that fact, sure, it was nice being in person with her and connecting with her like we used to do when the convenience and comfort of cell phones and e-mail weren't apart of our lives. And yes, it's a personal preference of mine to be in person with whom I'm speaking. Like outside sales. Or professional speaking.

How is my decision-making process affected when I know it could take an hour to even meet that person - in person? A telephone call would have been more efficient. An e-mail would have been more effective. A hand-written card would have been personal as well. Meeting in person, though? That sounds expensive - taking up precious time to break away from the comforts of my computer and the enjoyment of needing little effort to use a cell phone from any location in the world.

When I think about our University of Maryland San Diego Alumni Club, I attempt to think about the 1,000 alumni in our area. I ask myself, "What would motivate these people to physically attend an event?" With work, family, friends, interests, volunteering, fitness, and familiar fun, why would an Alumnus make the effort to connect with people who also attended the same school? You tell me; what's your excuse? Why do you feel people attend Alumni events across the nation?

What do you do when you're asked, 'What do you do?'

2007-06-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Work, work, work. Whenever someone new asks me what I do for a living, what I do, or what line of work I'm in, there are often two ways I respond: (1) I'm a motivational speaker and published author, or (2) INSERT LIST HERE. For many years, I've labeled myself as the sole characteristic that I truly feel that I am and which I want to be known as forever more (motivational speaker).

Recently, I made the decision to begin introducing myself to new people on an individual basis based solely on a specific service of mine. If the person who asks is more likely to have the need for a marketing program, I would state that I'm a marketing specialist (and certainly inform them of my work as a motivational speaker and author). If the person I'm speaking with wouldn't appear to have the need for marketing services, I would stick to the program and state the usual. The issue is no big deal though I have found myself stuck trying to quickly determine how to answer the popular question, "What do you do?"

Labels aside, I find it interesting how common it is for two people to start a conversation based on employment, work, or productivity (of all things). I guess work is something that most of us have in common. Wouldn't it be nice if someone started a conversation with, "So tell me, what's your number one passion? Or, what's your greatest talent?" It's this very question, "What do you do?" that could be the inspiration for my next book. By the way, I never ask someone what they do; instead, I ask, "What's your story?" It provides my audience with the choice of telling me what's most important to them, the very thing that would interest me the most as well.

What are you waiting for?

2007-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Last year, I interviewed with a communications company in San Diego whose three values were based on: (1) where there's a will, there's a way, (2) a positive mental attitude, and (3) an urgency to succeed. After five meetings with the company and a plethora of team members, they didn't offer me a position as a global conference presenter. Aside from the lessons I learned about the interview process, I connected with the organization's three values, especially the one about having an urgency to succeed. While being from NY could be a reason for my strong ambition towards creativity and progress, my urgency to succeed has rarely been focused on my top two career objectives: being a best-selling author and motivational speaker. I've been a winner for having an urgency to succeed with regard to other objectives, which I now call, "Alternative Distractions." No one asks me the following question: "Why aren't you a best-selling author and professional speaker now?" If they were, the answer would sharply be developed using justifications like, "The longer I wait, the easier it will be," or, "It hasn't been a priority." The fact of the matter is that while I've had the ability to take advantage of an urgency to succeed, I've allowed fear to hold me back from focusing on my biggest career goals. The fear led to a lack of discipline which led to a slew of additional challenges.

So now, what am I waiting for? I'm not waiting. I'm preparing for the National Speakers Association National Convention which will be a few miles down the road from my apartment in San Diego. Come July, I will be focusing on my speaking career with more might than ever. Good for me.

What's your story? Can you relate to holding back or holding off completely with regard to something you know you value? What are you waiting for? It's time to have faith in ourselves, take risks, and enjoy the growing experience. Failure occurs when you give up; not when you have given your best to attempt to succeed.

Celebrate Each Day as If It's Your Birthday

2007-06-14T00:23:00.001-07:00

Have you ever met a highly confident person filled with a lot of love who has said, "They should make my birthday a national holiday?" Neither have I; I was just born that way.

While I feel that classifying something or someone is an innate need of mine to maintain control in my life and better understand the world, I continue to simplify by focusing on two basic options that we all have when faced with adversity. The sole stressor, the very thing that causes us to biologically or psychologically execute the "flight or fight" response, can be faced in numerous ways. However, I tend to keep it relatively basic and easy: "Do I fear that which affects me or do I provide love or faith towards it?"

Example: My birth. Being born on an American national holiday is definitely a perk. However, how will I view my parents' decision to bring me into the world without asking me first? (1) I can feel grateful for my existence and for their contribution for creating me, accept the realities of human nature and human life, and enjoy each day - and celebrate it - as if it was my birthday; or (2) I can resent my parents for forcing me to exist without informing me of the realities of humanity which entail challenging aspects of life such as aging, work, illness & injury, fallibility, and death & dying. Two paths. Two fundamental choices. Naturally, I've avoided both of them. It wasn't a serious issue until today.

Imagine this: a child is born and their parents tell the youngster when he is old enough, "We've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that human life is a very special and precious thing. You are in for a real treat of experiencing pleasure and joy, love, and personal growth while making a contribution to your life, family, community, state, country and world. The bad news is that it won't last forever, it won't be easy to be you or live your life, you're going to face a lot of adversity and scarcity, and ultimately suffer illness and death. More mashed potatoes?"

Someone once said, "It's the thought that counts," so when it comes to the topic of my existence, of course I'll make it a good thought.

Happy Flag Day, Mom & Dad.

The #1 Fundamental Priority Project

2007-06-05T02:13:00.000-07:00

IMAGINE A NATION where everyone's #1 fundamental priority was their health. I feel that anyone who wishes to live a long, peaceful, and prosperous life has a greater chance of doing so by making their health their #1 fundamental priority. We don't live well, love well, or work well when we're "not well." Even though it's easy to do, we're not at our best when we disregard what's best for us. It's time for us to start doing what's right and not what's just easy.

Many Americans would probably agree that they feel as though they are struggling and suffering in order to remain competitive all while trying desperately to get by. Large numbers of Americans are compelled to push themselves to the highest limits of exhaustion and fear while being compelled by an influential media- and technology-driven society focused on an urgency to succeed.

If the foundation of every American life was fundamentally based on reaching and maintaining optimal health, their perceptions and consequential feelings of struggle and desperation would decline dramatically. Furthermore, quality of lives would improve; relationships would be enhanced, costs of living would decline; healthcare costs would fall; anger, fear, and crime would fall; productivity and efficiency would increase; etc. etc.. Essentially, there would be a domino effect of significant positive change made in lives, communities, and businesses across America.

A new American way of life would lead to greater overall satisfaction, better health, and an authentic intention and ability to make greater contributions towards one's own life, their families and communities, the country, and beyond.

This basic message, combined with a powerful movement, would lead to the awareness, education, and motivation that are needed to not only significantly enhance millions of lives, but to save millions of lives as well.

The "#1 Fundamental Priority Project" would require funds to cover the costs of promoting this new movement. The prominent aspect of the movement would entail hiring a team of young and aspiring motivational speakers to make an impact via presentations and post-program coaching sessions via telephone. Sponsors wanted. Inquire within.

Book Partnership Potential

2007-06-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

My Step-Father, Michael, and I have decided to work on co-authoring a book together based on optimal health, motivation, and living life fully. Imagine if your doctor gave you 1-2 years or even 1-2 months to live based on your current choices. Would you be inclined to significantly change your fundamental priorities and personal approach to life? More to come.

Compatability May One Day be Compromised

2007-05-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Compromise Now, Divorce Later
I feel that when it comes to choosing a life partner, compromising one's values prior to marriage will more likely lead to the collapse of a relationship. I would suggest compromising after you've decided to spend the rest of your life with a person and not before. If you want to give in prior to marriage, you may want to get out of marriage later as well. I wonder... if we all prioritized, remained genuinely positive and hopeful, and were comfortable with being alone until we met the perfect but fallible person for us (even if this meant weeks, months, or even years), would most of us end up with the best type of partners? Furthermore, would the US average divorce rate be significantly lower as well?

Compatability Now, Compromise Later
Wouldn't you agree that compatability is never guaranteed? Of course, people change, and the person you marry now may not be the person you divorce later. Or you may change, and they may not. Or maybe you both will change significantly. So ultimately, should we view love, life, and loss like this?: Both the surf and the surfers will always be the same - often changing. Therefore, we must determine when we're ready to ride the wave and manage the realities of human nature. There is no single formula or solution to "saving a relationship" because the variables are unique and often transforming. Go with the flow.

Celebrating 5 Years in San Diego!

2007-05-12T12:26:00.000-07:00

Exactly five years ago to the very day (5/12/02), I moved to San Diego. The last five years have been the best years of my life. Each day, I fall more and more in love with this city. While I do tend to travel, especially to NYC every other month or so, I now deeply miss SD when I'm away. My family occassionally asks me if I'll ever return to the East coast permanently. No matter what may happen, I'll always have a place in San Diego to live because I have never lived more than I do on a daily basis here in "America's Finest City."

Disappointed? Don't be like them

2007-05-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

My best friend shared with me his disappointment with people he's recently been trying to work with towards a better future. This is my response to his personal blog that he posted today...

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Both you and the people who've disappointed you probably share equal blame, Vito.

THEM: What's wrong with you people? Have faith! Do something new!

I feel that the people whom you've spoken with have truly had good intentions based on your initial influence of making things happen together. You've been able to inspire people to consider the possibilities of mutually-beneficial relationships, but when you leave their side, their motivation seems to evaporate. Does this sound familiar? This is what motivators face in their careers. Life coaches, business advisors, consultants, entrepreneurs, etc. It's what keeps them employed sometimes, too.

Our audience members, that is, those people we attempt to influence, to motivate, to educate, and to inspire, may face two options when thinking of the future and doing anything based on our words: "Fear" or "Faith." It's fear that keeps them where they are: inactive. When it comes to a partnership of any kind with anyone, fear may be blocking them from taking action and moving forward with what you refer to as great potential.

Understand, forgive, and accept these people and move on to find new people with whom to share success. Face reality and get over it - cleanse yourself. Then, seek new and exciting relationships with people who have faith when it comes to doing whatever it is you want to do with them.

YOU: What are you waiting for? Have faith! Do something new!

Someone once said something about mental illness and progress - if you're doing something over and over and not getting the results you desire, you're not well, so try doing something new. Clearly whatever you're doing is not working out for you. You know what you have to do. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Have faith. Take action. Be proactive. Don't depend on other people. This is your life. You have the vision, so what are you waiting for?

From my perspective, you're investing your time, effort, and heart in the wrong people and following in their footsteps: having fear rather than faith, being inactive, and not implimenting innovative ways to reach the level of success that you desire. For people you don't admire, you come off as if you were their #1 fan. Don't be like them.

Friendship Isn't For Everyone

2007-05-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

Friendship Isn't For Everyone

I feel that self-interest is the foundation for many aspects of life. Beyond the traditional need for attention, need to be accepted, and need to connect with others, an authentic friendship will always have benefits. You can't be everything to everybody. I personally disagree with the saying that one can never have too many friends. He who says that probably doesn't remember your birthday. I say, you can never have too many associates in your personal network. I feel that friendship must include a level of love. If it doesn't, it's not a friendship. If there's disrespect, fear, or hate, it's not a friendship.

When an association has more costs or detriments than benefits, I strongly suggest to eliminate the relationship immediately. From my experience, even in close, personal relationships, it is often accepted to withhold from open-communication, respect, and creating and maintaining expectations and accountability. People often don't want to cause conflict, create arguments, or face the realities of human nature. Requirements aside, it all comes down to one powerful question: "Does this person make me feel good, contribute to my life, and impact me in a positive way?"

April 2007 - Highs & Lows

2007-04-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Lows

The VT Loss – as president of the UM San Diego Alumni Club, I attended a local memorial service on behalf of those fallen at VT to show my support towards our alumni community. At the event, most of the speakers (some who were VT alumni) had tears in their eyes and had difficulty speaking. It was a heartfelt ceremony and a shocking tragedy. I believe I learned recently that 25% of the US population suffers from some sort of mental illness.

Negligence – being a non-meater is a piece of cake. My issue this past week was lacking the discipline to incorporate eating enough food while managing professional pursuits. Moving forward, I will shop for food more often and eat more food daily when I am “overwhelmed” with networking opportunities.

Highs

Academic – I’ve read more books within four months than I have over a period of a few years and will return to a few title and study them. While no additional degree is currently sought, I am learning a lot lately about health and wellness, success and motivation, and love & relationships – by reading, listen to educational CDs, and speaking with friends and strangers about different ways to view love, life, and work.

Personal – Each day I fall more and more in love with San Diego. Next month, I celebrate my five-year anniversary of living here. While my college years were the best years of my life until graduation, the past five years have been even better. It feels like I’m on vacation. It feels like I have never had so much freedom.

Physical – My health is my new #1 priority and I have never been so immersed in improving my current condition. Weight training, yoga, and running; chiropractic and massage therapy; a unique nutritional strategy, and plenty of rest have recently become more important than my career. I intend to keep it this way.

Professional – My career is my #3 priority knocked down from #1 since graduating in 2000. I am focusing on the best marketing opportunities that come in, building relationships with chiropractors and massage therapists and bartering my services for theirs, building upon my speaking career, and preparing for my next book project. At my first National Speakers Association San Diego chapter meeting, I was encouraged to move forward and build a program based on health and wellness (#1 priority) and incorporate music (#1 passion). The moment I mentioned that I play piano, sing, and write songs, my competitive advantage was born. I will be remembered as “The Speaker Who San That Song.”

Social – I’ve been expressing “I Love You” to my mother and sister since February, have been continuing to say it to my step-dad since ’04, and am preparing to hit my Dad and brother next. I’ve never been as filled with thoughts of love as I have these past few months. Friendship-wise, I have a nice group of good friends in San Diego, continue to meet new people, and my new #2 priority is love. I’ve changed social strategies and I’m now in search of a long-term serious relationship (LTSR) and am open to the possibilities beyond that. I am in search of excellence and no longer interested in fruitless short-term associations.

Priorities vs. Commitments

2007-04-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

Priority = Commitment + Action

Priorities vs. Commitments. According to Merriam-Webster, "a priority entails something that is "superior in rank" or "a preferential rating, especially one that allocates rights to goods and services usually in limited supply." It also states that a commitment is "an obligation; a pledge to do something in the future."

Can something be a priority without having a commitment? For example, can one's health really be a priority if they don't have a commitment towards maintaining or improving it? Can a company prioritize on improving employee morale without the commitment towards doing something about it? When does an issue or task lose priority-status: after one week? three months? one year? Does a priority gain a commitment once action has been taken? Does a priority lose its commitment the moment action ceases? Finally, are good intentions enough in maintaining the perceived commitment? Am I reading into that too closely thereby making you read into this?

Bad Weather vs. Bad Attitudes

2007-04-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

There is no bad weather, only bad attitudes about the weather. Today, it's 60 degrees and cloudy in "sunny, San Diego" and there's no where else I'd rather be.

When I recall my attitude during the NYC winter of 2001, I delight myself with the fantasy of returning to that point in my life as the smarter, healthier, and more positive person that I am today. The knowledge and awareness that I have combined with the tools I currently use would have prevented any single thought of gloom at the time. Implementing this choice over the alternative choices regarding my perceptions allows me to easily "look on the bright side" of life even when it's cloudy.

It wasn't always so dark for me. I enjoyed the cold weather when I was actively making a contribution to my community, building the foundation of my business, leading my peers and gaining valuable experience, earning a wild income, and ultimately making the right paths for my clients. Literally.

Fundamental Paradigms

2007-04-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Motivation is important, but it's the personal application of valuable information that will lead us towards experiencing progress.

Freedom of choice allows us the opportunity to take one of many paths: the right or wrong path, the positive, neutral, or negative path, or the Path train from Hoboken to NYC or vice versa. So, ask yourself, "Where would I like to go today?"

Understanding, acceptance and forgiveness will most likely be three of several actions that are suggested when dealing with people: who are different from you in character, who do things differently than you, or who have different preferences, values, or beliefs than you.

Fear and love are known to many as the basis of our emotions. Each underlying feeling is based on either fear, which I learned long ago relates to those things we hate which is often due to misunderstanding; or love, which I've learned recently, if implemented consistently, leads to better decisions and makes life and work more enjoyable and productive, respectively.

Honesty: The Truth Hurts Less Than the Lives We Live

2007-02-17T15:11:00.000-08:00

I have a strong feeling that this year is going to be one of the most important years of my life. Currently, when I consider the past 28 years of my existence on planet Earth, I envision plenty of unique and exciting opportunities and experiences that few my age can both relate to and celebrate. As a I quickly scan back just a little over ten years, I realize that while it's been a hell of a ride, despite the good times and accomplishments, I haven't been completely honest with myself. It's not that I've been lying to myself and living a life that is not authentic.

Rather, instead, I've chosen to allow myself to invest a lot of my effort, time, and heart towards a lifestyle, relationships, and career choices that were essentially not what I really specifically wanted. I have no regrets regarding my past and in fact, looking at my current position in life, I feel very fortunate to be exactly where I am right now. I feel, being one who's not that spiritual, "blessed" that in addition to not having regrets, I am still where I want to be. I am writing a new chapter in my life given my progress even though the road I took wasn't the easiest one though I thought it was.

This year, I have begun to decend on a rollercoaster ride full of "life change events" based on being very honest with myself regarding what I want out of my life moving forward. Within the past few weeks I have made choices and done things that have shocked me and have made my life better sometimes as soon as overnight based on new values and new needs. I have made new choices regarding new behaviors that to this day continue to scare me.

A New and Improved Positive Attitude

In the past, I was considered to be a very positive person. What motivational speaker isn't positive? It came easy for me. I learned early on that everyone has choices and I selected the positive path. As 2006 was coming to an end, I realized that while I was positive in many areas of my life, I sensed that a new perception had formed. My traditionally positive attitude would occassionally be neutralized by a negative attitude about some small stuff. It was a choice that I kept on making. Maybe not daily, but at times, I could witness this new side of me. Around New Year's Eve, I wanted to stop being negative, even about the small stuff. And I have done just that. My awareness allowed me to open my eyes and be more honest about my attitude towards everything. There is no bad weather, only bad attitudes about the weather. Neat, huh.

Determining My Next Topic as an Expert and Speaker

"The Law of Attraction" was introduced to me last fall and when I first watched "The Secret," I wasn't impressed enough to start implementing even more good thoughts, feelings, and actions than I was accustomed. What impressed me, however, were two things. Firstly, the production value of the presentation of the film excited me just like the self-help industry had excited me four years prior. Up until 2002, I was a lot more into the idea of motivational speaking than I have been since then. It was this excitement that led me to watching it again in the new year.

Secondly, I agreed with a lot of the fundamental ideas that formed the "Law of Attraction." While remaining a very positive person up until January 1st, the most important connection I had with the theory related to very successful people who knew what they wanted to do, but didn't know how they were going to do it. Since 1998, I have wanted to be a rare and special professional speaker and best-selling author. In college, while I was aware of the basic steps that would have to be taken, I had no idea how I was going to (1) start speaking, (2) start writing books, and (3) expeditiously work towards becoming what I wanted to be since sophomore year. Nevertheless, I knew that I would become what I wanted and that's all I needed at the time. That's what the LOA is all about: knowing you will be or get something even if you don't know how. We only need to know "why?".

Now, as I evaluate my education, experience, and preferences, my new topic that will take me to the next level as a speaker and author has been developed. I have to thank my friend, Gary, for opening my eyes to this realization. The program I have been working on will affect hundreds of thousands if not millions of people either trapped in their jobs or preparing to join a workforce full of cages. The signs are very clear:

(1) I majored in finance in college knowing that the last thing I was going to do upon graduation was have a career on Wall Street or in the ill-fated WTC;
(2) I was never a company man even while working at a dot-com, but an entrepreneur full of great potential and better off as a consultant;
(3) I was hired by Monster.com to give presentations to young people about making the better personal choices about college and starting a career; and
(4) I was offered an opportunity to write my fourth and fifth books on rare, extreme careers.

The signal is now green and it's time to work!

Introducing jaredmeyer.com

First step: separating my business, MakStar from the "Man Behind the Maks" This month, after many years of fighting the idea, I registered the URL, jaredmeyer.com. I've always wanted it, but perhaps didn't feel that I deserved it. Perhaps not having it as mine allowed me to get distracted with building my company instead. Up until recently, makstar.com, was my brand; my baby. Now, I have let it fly while building upon a new baby bird.

Finding My First Soulmate

One of the presentations I created in 2004 was called "Dating in the 21st Century." It was a very basic introduction to online dating and how to meet people from the comfort of your home. At the time, I knew the basics even though I felt I was an expert. Turns out, I only knew the basics about optimal online dating. During the past two days, I read two dating books by a young cat in LA named Evan Marc Katz. One book, "Why You're Still Single," is for women, but I did get some good insight on the issue. The other book, which opened my eyes to a major realization, is called "A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating." This book made me realize that my attempts at meeting someone right for me have been, well, very wrong.

I can look back and say that I've not found the right person for me because I wasn't ready or because I didn't have a long-term goal in mind. There's more, though. I was also not going about the process the best way. While I honestly wanted to date, I wasn't honest with myself about the specific type of person I desired, respected and admired and didn't have the patience and self-control to hold out for the best candidates. Now, knowing exactly the type of person I want, deciding what I want long-term, and knowing how to make the best choices regarding dating, I am prepared to do the right thing, and not the easy thing.

The "I Love You Social Strategy"

While I come from a challenging and supportive family, I don't recall very much affection being shared. I don't remember any "I love yous" or an excess of hugs. Surely, hellos and goodbye prior to and post trips led to a kiss on the cheek and a hug goodbye. Based on my current actions, however, my life will never be the same.

A while back, my step-father, Michael, told me, "I love you." I quickly responded in kind. Since then whenever we end a telephone call, we end with "I love you." We haven't discussed it much since it was implemented and he's the only one in my family that I've been saying it to for a while.

Recently, I made the decision to implement a new "I Love You Social Strategy" in my family. While I was in NYC a few weeks ago, right before I left my mother in the 4th Street train station to go to JFK airport, I said in an emphatic manner while hugging her, "I love yoooouuuu." She immediately returned in kind. Since then, Feb. 10th, we spoke once and said it to each other, and I've been communicating it with her through e-mails.

I had to muster up a little courage to say those powerful three words in the train station. Each time I say it to Michael it stil takes a little courage.

Today, my sister, Samara, turned 32. I called her this morning and after saying hello, told her I was calling to say "Happy Birthday" and "I love you." She returned in kind with enthusiasm and a smile I sensed she was making.

Saying "I love you" is very strange to me and I will continue saying it to those who I've shared it with recently in addition to my father, Jon, and brother, Seth. They are going to freak out.

Becoming the Ambitious Nonmeat Eater

And finally, the biggest change in my life happened on Valentines Day just a few days ago. I had started reading "The Mad Cowboy: Plain Truth from the Cattle Rancher that Won't Eat Meat" and made a very strange and unusual decision. I decided to become a Nonmeat Eater. Up until recently, when I would meet someone who was a Veg or even Vegan, I would look at them with a neutral perspective. In the past, if I were to date someone with those choices, however, I would view them with hesitation while maintaining respect. I thought they'd be difficult to feed. I loved chicken. I loved baby lambchops at weddings. My favorite food was eggs. And now, after having a moment to take in a new perspective on health and wellness, I am now a semi-vegetarian.

There are three immediate reasons why someone would think that I've decided to go down the path of the plant: (1) animals are contaminated with not only chemicals found in the earth and air, but in the food they eat, which often include plant life that was poisoned as well as other dead and formerly-sick animals, too. These other deceased animals ate food from the earth and other dead animals that were contaminated as well. A clearly cyclical pattern. (2) the treatment of animals is often horrendous and the pain and suffering they endure are proposterous. (3) Animals have feelings and I won't eat any thing with a face. Neat stuff. Now, here's my story:

Firstly, my health is my number priority and I've learned that an animal-diet is not right for me anymore. All it took was one book and the research that has shown that disease, including obesity and cancer, can be related to the meat that we eat. Secondly, as far as the treatment of animals go, while I'm against pain and suffering, I've overlooked the realities of the industry. Why wouldn't I? Eggs and chicken are delicious. Now, accepting the facts and knowing that most of the animals I've eaten were tortured, starved, and killed alive, it furthermore supports I don't want to associate with such victims, especially if they're in my system (for four days). I've learned nice facts about vegetarians and how they're more slender and healthier and less prone to disease than meat-eaters. If I am what I eat, I want to eat happy food, and not "Happy Meals."

From experience, I've not felt at my best after eating meat. And I've already turned away consuming straight milk since fall 2003. While still indulging in ice cream, cheese, and other products that come from cows, I've noticed a great difference in my health because of staying away from gallons of milk. And now, I'll be cutting out a lot more animal products from my nutrition and replacing it with plant products. It may not be easy, but it's right for me. I won't judge other who enjoy their steak, hamburgers, bacon, and heart attacks. If it's right for them, then I will respect their choices.

As for the phase, "I won't eat anything with a face," I'd be glad to eat an animal as long as it died happy by old age and with a smile on its face. Also, if it was organically-raised and a lot easier to personally digest. That's a tall order for a former meat-lover. Now, it's time to make a better investment in my future. Check please!

Goals: All He Ever Wanted Was To Be A Motivational Speaker

2007-01-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

During high school, my number one goal was to attend a fine establishment in higher education. It turned out that The University of Maryland would be my ultimate choice. In college, my only goal, which was a career goal, upon breaking free of my youth was to be a best-selling author and motivational speaker. That’s it. When I graduated, I entered the “real world” and it was very much like a “free world.” I had the most freedom and flexibility ever at that point in my life. I could live anywhere, try anything (reasonable, reasonably-priced, and really necessary), and progress towards reaching my long-term goals at my leisure. This adventurous period in my life motivated me to push my career goals further into the future. I traveled a bit, I experienced a variety of entrepreneurial adventures, and I landed a job with a dot-com on Broadway near Times Square. Life was neat and interesting.

As years would go by, I would continue living the life of a bachelor: moving to California with nothing more than a piano keyboard and a duffle bag, focusing on productivity and interesting experiences, and landing opportunities to write books and give speeches. Life was good. I was happier than I was during those “best four years of my life” we often hear about. I am very grateful for the successes that I’ve experienced thus far in my life. I have virtually reached goals of mine years ahead of schedule. I’m nearing my five-year anniversary of moving to San Diego and as I look back, I’m impressed with everything I’ve done and satisfied with the choices that I made each day, week, month, and year.

And then it hits me: what the hell have I been doing? Reflecting on that one goal that I had in college – the only solid, big goal in life I’ve had since graduation, why didn’t I make building a career as an author and speaker a priority from day one? Why didn’t I continue my commitment to becoming a great communicator with a growing business? It was so easy to change my priorities because I didn’t value immediately starting my career. I valued adventure, new experiences, traveling, and attempting entrepreneurship on a new level. What I clearly didn’t value at the time was doing what was supposedly necessary to become an author and speaker. I didn’t write much and didn’t speak much for anyone.

Why not? Well, the excuses one could use are 1) who would hire a young cat with a finance degree as a writer or author? 2) who would hire a recent college grad to speak to them? Those aren’t my excuses. And I also won’t use the excuse, “It’s best for established, successful people to become authors and motivational speakers than recent college grads or young professionals.” Excuses don’t exist in my book (no pun intended). I had choices and those that I stuck with involved welcoming the opportunities for writing and speaking while exploring work and life during my adventurous stage.

2007 brings a new chapter into my life. As I’m quickly reintroduced to self-help leaders, motivational speakers, and philosophies such as the Law of Attraction, I remember how much pleasure I got out of listening to speakers, reading personal development books, and fantasizing about being a motivational speaker myself. Okay, I never fantasized what it would be like, but knew I would like it and want to do it often. I look back and realize that I’ve disregarded personal and professional development based on my level of satisifaction for years. And then right before I’m ready to “eat, drink, and sleep” education and growth, I then recall something else.

All I ever really wanted was to be a motivational speaker. I never had any other goal in any other area of my life: academic, personal, physical, professional, or social. I considered getting an MBA in 2004. I’ve wanted to visit a few US cities and a few countries. I’ve wanted to be in the best shape of my life. And I’ve wanted to have quality relationships with my family, friends, and a special woman. Most of these are your run-of-the-mill goals. I’m talking about significant, long-term, big-daddy goals like what I would want to own (do you want homes, boats, cars, stock, or horses?), who I would want to spend the rest of my life with (who is the right person for me? What type of relationship do I want?), and how I’d want to raise a family (how would things have to be to consider having children?).

I’ve only been focused on personal experiences and work. Fun, exciting, social, work that has fulfilled me in so many ways. I’ve never had any serious financial goals nor any retirement plans. That silly comment of mine years ago, “Make a million by 26 and retire at 35,” wasn’t a real goal; it just sounded nice. The freedom and flexibility that I’ve allowed myself to enjoy made me forget about the big picture. I was used to not knowing what opportunities would present themselves the next day, week, or month, and was okay with that. For someone so organized, and thorough, I wonder why I didn’t realize that setting other long-term goals besides work-related initiatives would have been a smart thing to do.

Up until recently, I’ve never wanted to have a family. This was because I perceived having a family as being the father who works at the office and comes home to his children. The father who deals with the strollers and diapers, the commute, the 9-5 lifestyle and a true “night life,” which is what you get if you work and don’t enjoy your life during the day. I’ve never wanted children – in that capacity. Now, if you ask me what it would take to have a family, I can take a moment and fantasize about what would be required. Doing so allows me to realize that I can paint the picture however I want and the way that is best for me. Imagining I’ve reached my career goals and have met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, yes, I would be glad to raise a family.

It seems as though visualizing is an efficient way to start setting goals. And then, working backwards with what you want is an effective way to make smart choices. For example, another reason I never wanted to have children is because I never met anyone special enough to have a long-term, serious relationship. Why? I didn’t know how to go about doing that. Once again, I was a child in a candy store with a few bucks to spend and no time-frame on how much time to spend in the store. Working backwards, if I would inately want children, I would have to find the perfect partner. If I have to find the perfect partner, I have to start making smarter choices each day in finding that person. It’s time to start prioritizing, simplifying, and challenging myself to invest in the best. My new goal is to start being honest with myself, which will lead to making better choices for me and everyone involved. Life is still neat and about to get much more interesting, honestly.

Focus: Try Using Distractions as Your Competitive Advantage

2007-01-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

While attending The University of Maryland, I recall that one of the best places to study was in the dining hall on North Campus called The Diner. At times, this location was surprisingly more adequate to my learning needs even compared to my quiet, 12"x15" single room on the fifth floor of Elicott Hall. The memory of a consistent hum of noise and people scurrying through the large dining area has led me to consider that perhaps I had a gift: successfully absorbing information in a dining room full of distractions. Different faces, a variety of exciting food combinations, and opportunities for social advancement hardly had the chance to hold me back from academically enjoying the benefits and comfort of a consistent flow of energy in that place. I remained focused and was able to accomplish a good deal of work compared to my room in my residence hall. While room 5138 was a safe haven perfect for studying at times, it was better for composing a creative song that would one day be apart of a Broadway musical, or devising a plan to become famous by appearing as a modest best-selling author.

One could think that while my room was quiet, nearby were distractive toys like a computer with a powerful internet connection, or a piano keyboard just waiting to be tampered with, or a hallway full of residents that could use advice (or supplies) me, their Resident Assistant. I don't recall having the urge to play a diddy while studying for an economics exam. Nor do I recall the urgency to check my e-mail while memorizing equations, though it must have happened at times. Simply put, for some fundamental reason, the days I studied there, the dining hall gave me a fresh perspective and the energy that I might have secretly craved in order to easily reach my goals. Common distractions and the accompanying energy that was provided allowed me to focus.

While that secret "dining hall" power of mine was enjoyable, I did experience a deeper focus when in my room while writing papers. Everything else in my life would vanish during those few hours of work. That level of focus was a real treat to experience after I finished working. I would look back and think to myself, "Wow, my life was completely based on this project and nothing else mattered." I never neglected other priorities while focusing on an academic project to the best of my ability, but the level of focus was easy to acknowledge. That was then, this is now.

Now, it seems as though my "real world" projects are easier than school work. The project-based work that I do doesn't require great focus. When I write books, however, focusing is required but the grading structure isn't as demanding as it was in college. Aside from writing, most of the projects I'm involved in include other team members and they've got some great energy I use to my advantage. While my work is rather easy and rarely do I experience a challenge, my greatest flaw is lacking focus on my life in the future. Aside from my one goal in college of being a best-selling author and motivational speaker, I didn't consider any other specific goals. After graduating from Maryland, I was focused more on gaining experience and productivity than on immediately building upon my career. Additionally, work aside, I completely disregarding the idea of creating other long-term goals and focusing on working towards meeting them. It was neither a fear of success or fear of failure that kept me from creating goals. I never took the initiative to plan ahead or even fantasize or daydream about a life I would desire. I was comfortable just focusing on current productivity.

Much time has passed and I've come to a new chapter in my life. Looking back on the past seven years, I've dabbled in the dot-com experience, entrepreneurship, writing books, giving speeches, building brands, activating marketing events and promotions, being featured in a magazine and newspaper, and making television appearances. These experiences have been exciting, fun, and fulfilling for me. Now, it is time for something bigger and better than before. I have yet to reach the level of success that I had considered many years ago. I am ready to focus and move on with a healthy commitment towards reaching excellence. I have begun by nearly totally wiping out watching television. I have started the new year with the most positive attitude I've ever had in my life. I've been making my health my number one priority and have never been in better shape. Additionally, I have begun simplifying and focusing on the priorities that have often been easy to keep from becoming commitments.

Each day, we are prone to being hit by thousands of both old and new connections, relationships, messages, opportunities, and options. Thousands of people want our attention, our energy, and our love. We must remember to focus on our priorities of today and our commitments of tomorrow and not allow solicitors to knock us off track. So climb aboard, the next stop is goal-setting.

Energy: What He Drinks Affects How He Thinks

2007-01-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

I thought I knew everything there was to know about "energy." Sure, I've never experimented with caffeine like many people may do on a daily basis: buying a few of Starbucks' best-selling beverages and feeling the "buzz" that can help one get through their day. I've also never tampered with pills like "No Doze" and rarely consume caffienated beverages like soda. What I have done recently, however, was foolishly consume four bottles of RedBull within a relatively short period of time. Like a dark and twisted SlimFast commercial, I had two with my lunch and two after a sensible dinner. Well, I now know just enough about energy to make me an expert. Well, at least to an eleventh grader.

Have you ever been up until 5:30am and didn't feel the slightest urgency to get some shuteye? No single bit of motivation to "hit the hay" other than because it was the right thing to do? I was guilty of ignoring the “buzz” behind energy drinks. I thought, “That stuff won’t work on me,” just like I treated two complimentary Ice Blended drinks at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Those two drinks did hit me, just like those two additional Redbulls hit me. So one special night, I found myself laughing to myself at 5:30am because my body successfully responded to the contents of those energy drink cans.

RedBull didn't give me wings, but a chance to glimpse into a new world of experimentation. Like Dr. Jekyll, I could attempt to determine if there was a way to cut back on the amount of sleep humans need to function well. Like Mr. Hyde, I could ignore the research that has been done and play games with my body and science. I could do a lot of things, shall I continue to move through life with the intake of more chemicals? Nah, I’ll pass.

I'm no health-nut, but for some apparent reason, I prefer to fight headaches without painrelievers, desire a better build by a healthy dose of exercise and food that is good for me, and stay away from the "bad things" I learned about in high school health classes. They never taught us about energy though, did they? Sure, nutrition was covered and probably the value of adequete sleep, but what about the power of over-the-counter stimulants like energy drinks? In the 1990s, the energy drinks that we had were Gatorade and if my memory from my VitaminWater days sustains my knowledge, Gatorade had salt in it that motivated you to drink more Gatorade. Not a bad business model, huh.

Well, the night went on and hours passed me by. I was productive and as three o’clock became four o’clock, I felt obligated to prepare for bed as I would find myself being setup for disaster. A future trip to New York City, where the time differs by three-hours, would throw me into an uncertain quandry when it came to functioning in the city that never sleeps. I chose to go to bed and lie there until I blacked out. I eventually did and perhaps it was a combination of both the chemicals and the personal achievement of not feeling tired at all at such a late hour.

Putting energy drinks aside for now, I wonder if one’s lack of productivity is affected more by their energy-levels than their lack of interest and commitment towards an action or experience. After a long day of commuting and working at the office, does a person desire to make dinner and prepare the left-overs for the remainder of the week if they are too tired to do so? Or is it simply that they wouldn’t enjoy making the effort and the overall experience of preparing, cooking, and cleaning? And, let’s not forget about the time commitment. I’ve heard that few singles like cooking for themselves, but that they would cook if they had someone else for whom to cook.

Do professionals have less energy now than they did in the 20^th century? Do they have less time as well after their work has ended? Where has all our energy gone? Oh, yeah, it’s empowering our computers.

Discipline: Commitments Tomorrow, Priorities Today

2007-01-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

To emphasize the importance of my next topic, I stalled in evaluating it for two days. Knowing that discipline was the very thing I needed to continue my latest journey of documentation, I allowed myself to clearly halt in continueing to write about an alphabetical topic each day. It was a good learning lesson in reminding me that perfection isn’t necessary. As for letting myself go for more than a day of not writing, let’s agree that I had other priorities that prevented me from writing a few hundred words about a simple, yet life-changing word. Aside from “attitude,” I believe “discipline” is the next important tool that one needs to reach one’s productive goals.

In 2004, I came up with the quote, “It’s not a priority if you’re not doing it today.” Since 1998, my goal was “to be a motivational speaker and published author.” Two rare, but relatively basic desires – not dreams, by the way. I'm not a dreamer. Upon actually being able to give speeches and write published books, it felt as though my goals were pretty much completely fulfilled. I forgot that what I wanted was to build a career as a motivational speaker and best-selling author, not just do it a few times. Well, within the past few years, I must have forgot about “building a career” because it’s been a year since I’ve done anything significant to move forward. Sure, I’ve been able to meet those initial goals. “Been there, done that,” as they say, and there are many paths I could have taken upon reaching what was just the beginning of my career. I could have obtained a strong thirst for wanting to speak more or to speak to a different audience. I could have reveled with the desire of writing a book that millions would want to read. Well, I didn’t.

I didn’t have the desire nor did I actually attempt to progress with my sole career goal that hasn’t wavered since the late 90s. There’s only one reason why I stopped trying: a lack of discipline. See now, I didn’t give up hope, I didn’t change my career goals, nor did actively put my objectives on hold. I just didn’t have the discipline to ride the momentum of the achievements that I experienced during my speech-giving and book-writing days. Also, I wasn’t overly confident thinking that I could wait for the next opportunity. I just preferred focusing on other projects and revenue-making opportunities. Whatever came easier.

Have I been in playland since graduating from college? Having known exactly what I’ve wanted to do for years – many, many years, why haven’t I taken the entreprenuerial spirit that pushed me towards running a successful, albeit short-lived, snow removal business in high school to hit the pavement and bang the phones? Where is my best seller? For one thing, I felt that I was ahead of schedule with having my first book published at age 26. I was sure I was ahead of schedule speaking to high school students at age 27. “What’s the rush?,” I thought.

Well the well runs dry, I take a trip to Seattle with my friend, Jim, and he brings to my attention a pretty basic fact: write a book millions will want to read and people will want you to speak to them. It’s something I knew about the entire time. Motivational speakers are hired based on their education, experience, accomplishments, and/or publications; and often once their career is coming to a close or has already ended. No, no, no, I wanted to do the opposite. I wanted people to hire me and allow me to influence them all based on my basic performance skills and relatively short-term, successful background. It was not enough, though. It worked to speak to high school students, but I felt it was time for phase two.

Why continue fighting what has been time-tested and proven? Create something big and people will want you to tell them your story. Start today, start right now. Commit to creativity, to your career, and to the future you’ve invisioned all of these years. What are you waiting for? It doesn’t have to be a book, it can be a product or service. Had I been like UMaryland alumnus Sergey Brin, I’d have the ability and capacity to speak worldwide about my success of co-founding Google. Had I been like Jim Henson, another alumnus, I could tour the country speaking about “Sesame Street” and “The Muppets.” Right now, all I have to say for myself is that I’ve accomplished a good deal professionally, but I’ve so much more to do to reach the beginning stages of success – and excellence.

The moment I choose to have the discipline to brainstorm, to create something big and special, and to commit to whatever it may be will be the moment that I will begin moving towards excellence. I’ve never attempted to be excellent. I never had to be excellent. I’ve rarely challenged myself. And while I enjoy writing, I won’t pressure myself if instead of working on a best-selling book, I should find myself developing the next hit Broadway musical or online web community. Whatever happens, I want to influence millions of people, and motivate just a few hundred thousand of them to have discipline. The discipline to learn about that guy who wanted to be a motivational speaker when he grew up.

Creativity: There's a Time and a Place for Self-Expression

2007-01-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

Creativity was the first word that came to mind when I originally developed my brief strategy for my A-Z writing project. I spent a moment considering another topic that began with the letter “c” which I could write about tonight. Two alternatives came to mind: consideration and commitment, but I felt that I didn’t have much experience with either of them to write a complete piece. Seriously, however, my first thought was that I had written about creativity years ago in my second stress management course, so why not start with something fresh? Isn’t it funny that the very thing I could have used to move beyond topics of the past was the very thing I was attempting to avoid writing about. So, given that I’ve been found guilty of not being very creative, I’ll subject myself to yet another evaluation of creativity. I should really lighten up and be easier on myself.

Music, writing, and art are wonderful ways in which I’ve attempted to be creative. While my efforts were truly wonderful, the results of my work fluctuated between absurd, sloppy, and mediocre to entertaining, professional, and delightful. Working backwards, while I would consider myself an artist, I wouldn’t share that perception with many people. My handwriting is one of my flaws, my drawing comes second in this area, and I’ve rarely attempted to create much of anything with art supplies.

My passion and special, long-term relationship and commitment to writing could have began in sixth grade when my teacher, Ms. Julie Skelton, introduced the class to writing in a journal. On Jan. 1, 1993, I began writing more extensively than a few sentences about life as a student in Leonia, NJ. In college, I documented a lot of my experiences, which could very well one day make it into book form and while all of this could be perceived as creativity, it was done for bigger reasons. Better reasons. I wanted to remember my past better given that my memory of my first seven years was a blur. I also realized that I felt healthier and happy by having an outlet such as a journal. Writing didn’t feel creative unless it led to a smirk, smile, or laugh by me while I was writing or thereafter. As for the books that I’ve written, they were certainly creative at least according to my publishers. And my Mother.

And last but not least, my musical abilities have always been creative, but I don’t think reading music and playing the piano was very creative. Perhaps that’s why I’m not good at doing that; improvision is the talent I’ve chosen. I admire people who can sightread and practically pick up any song and play it. I’m the opposite; if I can hear it, I can play it: potentially, eventually, and enough to motivate me until I lose interest. Coming up with melodies is rare for me. I’ve been playing the same self-created tunes for at least ten years. Repetition is good as it assists in never forgetting a tune, but can be bad as it can block creativity and bore others who choose to listen to you perform.

Speaking of performance, last year I learned a very valuable life lesson that continues to baffle me. Someone once mentioned to me that we mustn’t use words we don’t know how to define. Perhaps it was my sister. Well, I fell into the trap of assuming I knew all about one harmless word, created a song based on the traditional meaning over 10 years ago, and shared that song with a group of people who were only familiar with the less popular definition. “Know your audience” is the lesson I learned. It makes for an interesting chapter in a novel I haven’t written yet. A creative one at that.

Creative people impress me especially when they can do things that I cannot do, choose not to do, or simply do poorly. I connect very well with creative types based on stereotypical personality traits that I can relate to; the respect I have for their talent and productivity; and for impressing me with their abilities. Connection: a perfect word that starts with “c.” How creative of me.

Balance: Don't Ever Fall for That Balancing Act

2007-01-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

I don’t know about you, but I often heard about living a balanced lifestyle when it came to learning about health and wellness. Doing things in moderation, leaning towards a “Type B” mentality, and looking at the big picture assisted in the simple theory of being at one’s healthiest points in their life. It’s been over seven years since I last took a stress management course in college and my perception of being balanced is different than it was back then. Before the 21^st century, there were times during my college career that I felt that I was far from having a balanced lifestyle. I yearned for a healthy dose of the five aspects of my life: academic, personal, physical, professional, and social. I recall, however, times where I battled against the clock, attempting to make up for being irresponsible with some of my courses earlier in the semester. Once I made the decision to prioritize, I didn’t balance my lifestyle, but often pulled the cord on whatever was powering an unproductive aspect of my life.

For example, I would return to the campus from spring break one year, realize that time was running out, evaluate my progress in one or two courses, and determine a significant course of action. My social life was least important to me of the five aspects of life. If I had a close relationship with a woman, my emotions, which entailed fear and ambiguity, would seal me up in a little cave. Perhaps you’ve heard about men and the caves they hide from within? Yes, sir, I preferred dealing with extremes, occassionally accepting the looming results from irresponsible academic behavior, and basking in the moment of social delight. The moment I realized I had made a bad choice or several for that matter, I’d shift my energies and efforts towards whatever I was neglected (if anything, my academic achievement) and relationships would be affected. Most often with the woman I was dating.

Now as I look back as a young professional, having spent plenty of years within the “real world,” I think I was actually balanced in college even during the times where I felt unbalanced. Looking back, I had no issues with health and wellness when it come to taking things in moderation, I just had priorities that changed based on new and better opportunities. What would you do if you were 19 and met a potential, future Miss America? At the time, my confidence was very high and that could have affected my perception of being able to handle my school work down the road when it was really necessary.

I now realize that the relationship didn’t end with her because my priorities changed, but because we weren’t right for each other. We both knew that, too. If we were right for each other, my emotions towards her and our relationship would have been as strong as they were during the beginning of the relationship. Also, I would have been able to manage my schoolwork and impending academic future with her by my side. Instead, I bolted emotionally. It wasn’t an issue of balance, but a combination of obsession, immaturity, and a comfort with extremes. Even if we had spent much time together, I still went to classes and did schoolwork. I still exercised and slept and ate well. Life was wonderful. Life was balanced.

As for the post-college years, I’ve never been in a situation where I had to cut bait and end a relationship with a woman because I had to “get with the program” and prioritize. I’ve always been prioritizing. I’ve always been balanced. Even with my supposed addiction to the Internet, I still live a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle. So much for wealth and hellness.

Attitude: Try Thinking Backwards Without Getty Dizzy

2007-01-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

Dale Carnegie once noted that we're not what we think we are, but what we think - we are. If I could be remembered for one of a few quotes about attitude, I'd say, "If you think you're wrong, you're right." While it's not as encompassing as Carnegie's theory, it'll at least start a conversation. Even if I'm the only one in the room. Hooray for self-talk.

For many years, I've attempted to come up with creative ideas, sly phrases, and potentially productive situations, the very stuff I’d use in creating a book that is autobiographical, inspirational, and humorous. Well, I feel I have enough stuff to start working on that project but what have I been waiting for?

I recall the time that I was known as having a very positive attitude and a rare energy when in the company of other people and especially in front of an audience. As my creativity developed as a young professional writer, I considered creating a character who would be the worst motivational speaker in the industry. I didn’t have an SNL character in mind like Matt Foley, but rather someone who was the complete opposite of the stereotypical speaker – an awful communicator. This man would stop speaking in mid-sentence and forget what he was discussing. He would attempt to quote someone, but would admit not knowing who he was citing. His vocabulary would be rather fair and any appearance of being funny would not be intential. This character could be a funny one, but his effectiveness didn’t seem that powerful. Recently, I came up with a much better idea.

Within the past week, I came up with an additional characteristic of this man – he would be perceived as unyieldingly negative during his talks, but consistently have the intention of instilling positive change. A few days ago, I came up with a fundamental philosophy of such a professional speaker. Here’s how it would fly: whereas many inspirational people would suggest starting one’s day in a positive way, this speaker would suggest doing something very unusual. “Start your day thinking about two things. First, spend a moment reflecting on your top five regrets in your life. Then, spend another moment reflecting on your top five fears. Finally, embrace your losses, the poor choices that were made, and the intial, bad feelings that arise from at least briefly facing your fears.”

While many could perceive his philosphy as a negative way to start one’s day, it could, actually, be an effective way to be more productive, take responsibility for one’s actions during the following 24 hours, and face the emotions that correspond to the things in our lives that may continue to challenge us. Long after a conflict has occurred. Besides, briefly thinking about something bad could make one’s current situation better. Light example: “Sure, I’m currently unemployed, but when I recall about the short time I spent working for a local university as a slightly miserable administor, I feel much better about the day ahead of me.” By the way, he wouldn’t use light examples like that. I’m talking top five worst regrets and worst fears. Awful thoughts, even though with a positive attitude, they wouldn’t have to be awful. In my story, however, they would need to remain awful in order to benefit.

So, sure, one could ask me, “Why even consider such things? Why focus on the bad stuff when there’s so much good to consider using while working towards your attempts of reaching optimal productivity and progress?” The positive stuff hasn’t seemed to be working that much for me. Perhaps it’s the negative reinforcement that could assist in reaching one’s goals faster than the usual positive stuff we all know about. Facing our regrets and our fears on a daily basis could challenge us to break through the past towards a better future.

Many of us know what we wanted, what we currently want, and perhaps know what we’re going to end up with in the future. Imagine if you took such a negative route, but in a productive manner. I’m not suggesting being negative, but thinking about the negative aspects of your life and your past and using those emotions and thoughts towards a positive future.

If you think I’m wrong, you may be right, but it’s worth a try.

The Y2K personality project

2000-05-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

“In the small borough of Leonia, N.J., Jared Meyer was like any other entertaining young adult. His friends and family knew he could be naturally dramatic.

“Many even recommended that Jared consider taking up acting because they knew it could possibly be the perfect outlet for his creative nature. But what they didn’t know, [thunder!] was that he was acting the entire time ...”

I love watching movies! Not only because they allow you to enter the world of different characters, but also because we can often relate to and connect with those characters.

Take two of my favorites: Face Off and Fight Club. I appreciated these films immensely because I could relate to each main character’s struggle with his identity. And it was such connections that made our worlds collide.

Since high school, people have given me their honest opinions regarding my personality and complementary behavior. Throughout the years, I have heard both the good and the bad, and although the truth is supposed to hurt, it took nearly eight years for the pain to finally set in and affect me.

The suffering that I felt, however, was neither remorse nor shame. What I experienced was a good amount of internal frustration— the precise amount that motivates one to consider changing his life. Or at least his personality.

It all started during winter break. Surprisingly, on a few separate occasions, certain things I said or did or did not say or do ended up upsetting three important people in my life. As a result, my two dads and girlfriend, Stephanie, criticized me for my behaviors.

Given the series of criticism that I received, I was extremely frustrated with myself. So, using Dale Carnegie’s recommendation, I made a list of “Fool Things I [Had] Done.” I also did my usual personality and behavioral evaluation, but decided to go one step further.

Finally, I was ready to change my ways, and altering my personality would be the best way to accomplish that goal. I was committed to eliminating unhealthy and negative aspects from my identity.

Sound familiar? Enter Jekyll and Hyde. Whereas Dr. Jekyll once attempted to separate good and evil by using himself as the subject of his experiment, I, too, was finally motivated to attempt a similar life-altering experience.

I would no longer tolerate having the uncontrollable ability to upset people and was ready for my own transformation. I called my work a “Personality Project,” which can be summed up by answering three important questions.

“What did you dislike about yourself?”

This question was too easy. I compiled a list of 14 personality traits and behaviors that have either placed limitations on me or that have brought out the worst in me. I will not share them with you, but will mention that if you knew me pretty well, you probably know half of the list.

Furthermore, each trait was connected to one or two other traits on the list, so the final result of answering this question was one long ordered list of disorders.

“What the hell was your problem?”

I used my stepdad Michael’s book, The Neurotic Personality of Our Time by Dr. Karen Horney, to figure this one out. After reading through a few chapters, I eventually found one I could connect with: Chapter Four, “Anxiety and Hostility.”

The major part of the neurosis that I could relate to was what the brilliant doctor called “repression of hostility,” and I used that theory as a key element in the Personality Project. Those 11 pages were simply amazing, because I learned why my personality was experiencing disorder.

In the past whenever it came to facing a conflict, rather than expressing my feelings or even defending myself, I would most often avoid causing additional conflict by keeping my mouth shut.

Consequently, not expressing my discontent was like throwing what I call a “hostility log” into a preexisting, raging fire within me. And it was this repressed hostility that led to my overwhelming list of negative traits.

In addition, these traits contributed to my talent of being dramatic, which was a mechanism that allowed me to express some, but not all of my hostility.

“How did you overcome your neurosis?”

Surprisingly, the solution to my problem was simple, yet it was something that most people have difficulty with — acceptance. I accepted everyone important in my life for who they are and for what they have and have not done. I also accepted myself for the person I had been in the past and would accept myself in the present only after successfully altering my personality.

The powerful act of acceptance was the crucial factor in motivating me to let go of numerous grudges as well as expunge hidden feelings of resentment. Acceptance allowed me to finally put out that 22-year-old raging fire of repressed hostility within me.

After using eight years of “research” and spending the entire semester working on the Personality Project, I am ready to accept myself for who I am. That is, to accept myself for who I have recently become.

Had I not started and completed the project, I would have once again settled and would have continued uncontrollably upsetting people. This would have led to more and more disappointment on behalf of those in my life, including myself.

Additionally, if I continued choosing not to accept people for who they are, continued avoiding conflict, and continued repressing emotions, I can only imagine that my life would have been filled with anger and, eventually, loneliness.

Now that the Personality Project is completed, I am happier, more secure and a better person. Although I can still be dramatic, if I were faced with having to choose between performing in or seeing my favorite Broadway show, Jekyll and Hyde, I would rather watch it for the fourteenth time than be on stage. Why can’t everyone finally accept that? Some people never change.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column ran alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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My favorite position: Ellicott RA

2000-04-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hey, you know what really feels good? Silence. It is 1:57 a.m. and all of North Campus is quiet. Although my floor is silent, I am not.

Using a micro-cassette tape recorder while sitting in my dark 15-by-10 foot room, I will break the silence by confessing to you the truth regarding my three-year commitment as a Resident Assistant. I will skip the details about why and how I became involved with the resident life office and focus solely on exactly who I am when I announce myself as, “Jared Meyer, RA.”

To summarize the past three years, I would say that I have really enjoyed working for the resident life office, that the experience was extremely valuable, and that being an RA was a very significant part of my college experience.

Like every RA, I have had five primary responsibilities, known as “the five roles of the RA.” What I will do is honestly describe to you how each of these roles applied to me and whether they were even an integral part of being an RA in Ellicott Hall.

Administrator

A few of the most important RA tasks include lots of paperwork, constant quality control and dozens of meetings. Being an administrator is probably the easiest, but most time-consuming role, and unlike most RAs, it has always been my favorite. My extensive organization skills and compulsive need for order have always allowed me to do this part of the job extremely well.

Peer Counselor

I haven’t had many opportunities to counsel residents on my floor because when they stop by, it isn’t to talk about serious issues like the fear of being rejected from the business school or Instant Messenger addiction.

They generally visit me to say hello, to ask for eating utensils or to compliment me on my newly rearranged room. I assume that my residents have always had excellent systems of social support and therefore had no need to consult with me on a serious level.

Programmer

RAs are supposed to formulate and implement educational, social and faculty programs. Most importantly, they are expected to motivate residents to attend those sessions. While I was taking the required RA class, I was quite apprehensive about programming, since I was never trained in conference management.

Although programming was once a major challenge for me, I have held about 10 official programs during the past six semesters.

After my first year as an RA, I didn’t mind setting up and publicizing them. Hell, I actually enjoyed programming because most of my programs were on stress management, one of my favorite program topics. Apparently, most Ellicott residents couldn’t relate because attendance at these events was often miniscule.

Although it’s good to create community by fostering education and participation outside the classroom, the real reason my programs were so intimate was because most residents are simply not interested in attending RA programs.

They have enough going on in their lives, especially with competitive distractions like television and computers. Most of these kids have never had the natural motivation to spend an hour in the fifth floor lounge each month learning something that could possibly change their lives.

Yes, even programs on popular stress management techniques have never motivated more than a dozen of them. Who wouldn’t want to learn how to fight stress, release the evils of tension and feel good?

Fans of The Simpsons and IM users, that’s who. Most residents would probably attend programs only if they could sit at their computers or if alcohol was served.

Is programming even necessary? I agree with my co-RA of three years, Viq Hussain, who as my RA mentor, selected me to join the “Ellicott family,” that programming is unnecessary when there is a strong sense of community on a floor. Nevertheless, I still attempted to hold a few significant programs and was occasionally successful.

Shaper of Positive Behavior

This is probably the one role that residents, who are guilty of violations, hate the most. When it comes to stopping negative behaviors, let’s just say I have been a “thorough” RA.

I have only written about 10 incident reports, most of which have dealt with alcohol violations, and when it came to breaking up those social events, rarely did I feel remorse for the “innocent victims” involved.

Very few residents know this, but there is actually a legal way of avoiding documentation when being confronted by an RA. Think about it.

Team Member

Teamwork has been the most delightful aspect of being an RA, not only because of coordinating with a large staff of talented RAs, but having working relationships with so many other people on the campus.

I have created and maintained relationships with great people at The Diner, residential facilities department and University Police, and I feel that I have really been a part of the campus by having connections with so many friendly, helpful and good-natured people. My job as an RA has been one of my major accomplishments on the campus.

Along with the five roles I’ve already mentioned, I’ve spent an additional amount of time and effort working on professional development sessions and miscellaneous projects, all in the hopes of attempting to improve the efficiency and effectiveness of our continuously improving resident life staff in Ellicott Hall.

It’s difficult to imagine myself not being an RA. I have been pretty satisfied with my social experiences over the past three years, but I feel that being an RA, rooming alone and living on North Campus made it difficult to develop more than a few intimate friendships on the campus.

Additionally, for a guy who likes to befriend and date young women, living next to “The Freezer” (LaPlata Hall) was utterly frustrating.

I’ve got less than four weeks to go before I graduate. The past three years have flown by and I sense that a good portion of my time was spent doing RA-related stuff. Maybe that’s why I feel that after I graduate, life will become simpler.

Since my sophomore year, I’ve been challenged with balancing the five aspects of my life (academic, personal, physical, professional and social) and I believe that after graduation, I will finally be able to fully experience all five aspects.

I have always been a proud representative of the resident life office, and like the cassette tape that is recording my confessions, time is running out. My last RA program will take place on May 10 at The Diner.

I invite you to join me at the “Late Night Y2K Talent Show” to celebrate the end of my three-year commitment as an RA. Finally, a program of mine worth attending.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Kissing: The Intoxication Effect

2000-04-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

“You’re doing it wrong,” Amy said, as she backed away from me. It was my first intimate experience with a girl, and although critical, my 11-year-old girlfriend gave me another chance to kiss her.

Moments later, I must have done something right because we ended up spending the rest of that warm summer night kissing. The same goes for the rest of our summer, but we did more than just smooch. However, not surprisingly, making things out of lanyard, participating in Color War and playing in the pool during recreational swim couldn’t compare to kissing Amy.

During the past 10 years, I have gone a great distance in learning about intimacy and my fascination of “the female gender and years still tender.” I am no longer that naive 12-year-old boy who was once criticized behind a girl’s bunk at sleep-away camp.

I’m a mature college guy who knows about something that boy wouldn’t have been able to comprehend back in 1990: The Intoxication Effect. The Intoxication Effect, which is ignited by passion, is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.

I’ve only felt the I-Effect while kissing a few women and would do an injustice if I were to describe it as being very similar to the effects of alcohol. Frosty beverages, although delicious, have only contributed to making me feel relaxed and silly.

The Intoxication Effect is much more impressive. One great kiss can certainly be comparable to a few good drinks, but only kisses have made me feel as though I was floating off the ground. Additionally, I’ve never needed 20 bucks and ID to get high from a great kisser.

What exactly is the Intoxication Effect? I really enjoy analyzing life experiences, so when it came to answering that question, I pulled out the old notebook and jotted down a few basic thoughts.

During the few times that I experienced being intoxicated by a young woman’s kiss, three conditions existed. First, she was simply an awesome kisser. That’s a given. Second, she and I desired each other immensely, and I mean IMMENSELY. And third, it was rather late at night.

Yes, it may seem absurd, but the third condition has always existed. I even figured out that when the words “intimacy” and “exhaustion” are combined, you can spell “intoxication.”

The first two women I experienced the I-Effect with were blonde, so “blonde-haired women” was an additional factor that I considered including in my analysis, but I fortunately went on to prove that theory wrong.

I did this by discovering that the main ingredient in the I-Effect wasn’t hair color, but emotions. It was the strong feelings I had for the women with whom I experienced the Intoxication Effect that contributed to creating those natural highs.

Let me give you a personal description of the Intoxication Effect. The last time I experienced it, I actually wrote the following in my journal:

“Intoxication, her kisses, her passion, her presence. Only she and I existed during those strong moments; speed variation, pressure, compatible kissing techniques, her touch, smell, taste, sound, her face, her body; I was weak, but strengthened; disoriented; speech difficulties, the looks she gave me ...”

Now that’s some powerful stuff. I’ve never written anything like that about alcoholic intoxication. The closest I’ve come to it, though, was: “I began to feel a little nauseous, and my speech wasn’t great.”

Kissing a woman has never made me feel sick, and nine times out of 10 I’d prefer to kiss than drink, so I would rank drinking alcohol pretty low compared to kissing women. The combination, however, could prove interesting if both activities were experienced simultaneously and in moderation, but I’ve never tried that experiment, since I’d probably spill my drink.

Another benefit of the Intoxication Effect compared to being inebriated by alcohol is that even an excess of fabulous kisses won’t change my level of tolerance. That is, unless I form a real distaste for the woman I’m kissing, and if that were to happen, I would no longer experience the I-Effect anyway.

If kissing a woman, which is the basis of a physically intimate relationship, is not extremely satisfying, I highly doubt that our relationship will last very long. Staying in such an unsatisfactory situation would be what my dad once called “settling,” so the relationship would have to end.

Someone out there may think this theory is nonsense and that the relationship could somehow be salvaged, but I’ve learned that the basis for healthy, natural relationships is chemistry. And if kissing (without the aid of how-to videos) isn’t deeply pleasurable from the start, someone is trying to make something out of nothing.

So, if over a reasonable period of time, say a few weeks, the simple act of kissing doesn’t feel really good, be prepared to kiss your partner good-bye.

I was never a Boy Scout, but I follow the motto, “Be prepared.” That’s why I evaluated the Intoxication Effect. I wanted to both understand why I can feel intoxicated with certain women as well as to figure out how I can reach that level of satisfaction each time we kiss.

Have you ever seen those cute promotional graduation buttons that read, “Kiss me, I’m a senior?” Well ladies, I’m a senior, but if you’re going to kiss me, you’d better do it right.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Hey Mom, let’s talk psychology

2000-03-31T18:50:00.000-08:00

Psychology rocks! Finance is nice, it really is, but psychology is so cool that if I could start college over again, I would major in it. It’s so fascinating, that there was actually a time when I even seriously considered taking that dreaded introductory class, Psychology 100.

Although I’ve never taken an actual psychology class, the few health and education and human development courses that I have taken were just what I needed to spark a passion for the study of the human mind.

Looking back on my four years on the campus, I would say that the entire experience can be viewed as one huge course in psychology. Aside from analyzing many people I’ve met along the way, I’ve successfully psychoanalyzed myself to the point of self-realization.

I’ve fought for the best answers to the questions “Who am I?” and “Why am I so intense?” and I am close to completing what I call my personality project.

Keep in mind, however, that I am simply a business student, and any of my thoughts encompassed in those analyses stemmed from either what I learned in a class or from a book I’ve read.

Aside from my own research, one of the most interesting things I’ve learned in those classes is that the relationships we have with our parents ultimately shape who we are and who we may become.

Now, it’s rare that I pick up something so interesting in a business class that I include it in personal conversation. Those mini-psychology classes, however, were radically different. Everything I learned in them was awesome, so, especially after I first learned about the parent-child relationship, I mentioned it excessively in conversation many months thereafter.

The parent-child relationship, huh? I believe that a good portion of my personality can be matched to that of my mom’s. My extroverted nature, emotionality, enjoyment of relationships, and interest in communication comes from my mom’s influence on me. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Throughout my life, my mom has been both challenging and supportive, which has contributed to leading me to successfully develop into a healthy, well-adjusted young adult.

She’s done a hell of a job raising me and there are actually four aspects of life where she went above and beyond the call of duty, practicing her subtle, yet effective motherly leadership on me.

Stress management: When I experienced conflict, her powerful advice, “Get over it, Jared,” always attempted to teach me the significance of acceptance.

Confidence: When I was antisocial, her forceful comments, “Isn’t anybody around?,” “Call someone,” “Get out of the house!,” often pushed me to break through my solitary comfort zone.

Pleasure: When I focused on schoolwork, her supportive advice, “Have fun, too!,” taught me about the power of doing things in moderation and living a balanced life.

And finally, prioritization: When it came to making choices, her question, “Is it really necessary?,” allowed me to consider the reality of irrational and inefficient options.

Up until I graduated from high school, I wasn’t very close with my mom. She gracefully guided me, I was a pretty good son and not once did we fight. But we didn’t have as intimate of a relationship as she had with my sister, Samara.

Alas, poor communication. My mom and I didn’t talk much, and conversations were short and sweet. Why? On my part, immaturity and self-centeredness may have been significant factors.

While attending the campus, I fortunately grew into an adult and was able to start forming mature relationships. One of which was with my mom. I’ve been able to share conversations with her, to finally step away from focusing on my life and to establish a more interdependent relationship with her.

More and more each year, I pushed away dependence and have been able to better communicate with my mom, and therefore, I’ve been able to get to know her better. I think it’s funny that our relationship improved after I moved out of the house and temporarily relocated 225 miles away. Despite physical distance, it seems like communication really is the basis for an optimal and healthy relationship.

So there it is, a pretty light analysis of one of my three parent-child relationships. Graduation is two months away and aside from finishing up this four-year course in psychology, an additional benefit of leaving the campus is living near my family again.

By the time I return home, I will have completed my personality project, and will be even more prepared to develop my relationship with my mom, as well as the rest of my family.

It’s fun to imagine what life would be like if I had become a psychology major. Friends of mine have told me that I should consider becoming a therapist. They have also asked me to stop analyzing them, so I suppose I have a long way to go before starting a career as a motivational speaker.

After I graduate, I’m even going to consider getting a formal education in psychology, maybe even a doctorate, but it’s probably not necessary. Right, Mom?

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Rearranging death perception

2000-03-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

Death. Some finance majors prefer to call it “expiration,” because in many of our business classes, we repeatedly learn that when the life of an options contract ends, it is known to “expire.”

Unlike human death, however, the demise of such a business opportunity will never be feared, hated, and misunderstood. This is because the expiration of an options contract is quite elementary and simple to accept. It’s the expiration of a human life that isn’t so easy to fathom.

One of the few simple, but priceless things that I’ve learned in college is that my perception significantly contributes to the foundation of my personality. And as you can imagine, my brain, which processes the infinite things that I view, judge and ultimately value, is responsible for my behavior.

The first semester of my junior year must have been my most significant semester. During that fall, not only did I have the chance to learn about the power of massage and how not to meet women, I also had the opportunity to seriously face my unhealthy fears of death.

During the first two weeks of Dr. Schiraldi’s class, Health 485: “Ways of Knowing about Human Stress and Tension,” we evaluated mortality, its affect on the human condition, and more importantly, its affect on us individually.

Schiraldi’s simple, but powerful question, “How do you feel about your impending death?” immediately touched a nerve within me. I didn’t just fear dying, I feared even the slightest association with death.

Example: During the previous summer, I avoided going to the hospital with my friend, Meydar, to visit her ailing mother (who had almost died in a routine surgery and who was subsequently confined to a hospital bed for more than a year) because I was afraid of the possibilities.

The possibility of this sweet woman, who welcomed me into her home while I dated her daughter, facing an untimely death. Forgive me, Meydar. It was my fear of death that placed a limitation on my ability to be a supportive friend, not my lack of compassion.

As far as my perception toward my own impending death went, I had three significant fears. First, I feared not living a full life (timeliness). Second, I feared suffering until I died (mode). And third, I feared the loss on my family and friends (affect).

The timeliness of my death was the most significant fear. Like most people, I wanted to postpone my departure for as long as possible, so any thought of being “cheated” due to death caused internal conflict. The mode of my death was the next significant fear.

Imagining the thought of my life ending was bad enough, so adding duration and intensity of pain to the experience didn’t help me view my death any better. It worsened my death perception. The most selfless, yet apparently least significant, of my fears was the effect of my death on those who cared about and loved me.

It would certainly be horrible to lose my life and possibly experience excruciating pain, but considering the psychological and emotional suffering my family and friends could experience, I was set to fear death indefinitely. That is, until I die. Although I mention that this fear was least significant, consider that I am human and that carnal self-interest thrived within me.

These views toward loss, pain and suffering were repressed and were never shared with anyone until I took HLTH 485. Schiraldi believed that if one feared death he or she was “unprotected” from the fear of death stressor.

I could relate, because I felt defenseless due to my negative perception of death and that perception maintained unhealthy fears. These fears affected my well-being, my behavior and my relationships with those I cared about, but with Schiraldi’s guidance in analyzing my inner conflict, simple solutions were actually created.

The most powerful solution to my problem was expressed in a proposition on mortality that I wrote for class: “It is the nature of human reality that humans only live once, so living life to the fullest is ideal. Death is inevitable, and acceptance can contribute to inner peace. Fears about mortality can be overcome by facing them.”

We came up with three additional solutions to help eliminate those negative thoughts on death: 1) Timeliness: Focus on the quality of life rather than on the quantity of years left to live, 2) Mode: Realize that expected pain is worse than that which is unexpected, and 3) Affect: Tell those I love that I simply don’t fear death.

I took HLTH 485 14 months ago, and up until last week, I was successful in overcoming the fears of my death regarding timeliness and mode.

However, I still hadn’t overcome my fear regarding its effect on the important people in my life. I want my family and friends to know that I no longer fear death and that I live each day as though it’s my last.

In the event that I do pass on, I also want you to know that I have been content with the human condition and comfortable with accepting the reality of the end of life. The main reason I didn’t share my thoughts with you until now is because the topic is rather serious, but it no longer has to be that way. I am ready to talk about death and even laugh about it.

We hate the things we fear and we fear those things which we do not understand. Ever notice that if you rearrange your perception of “death,” you can spell “hated?” Death doesn’t always have to represent such unhealthy negativity.

Maybe at first, but we do have the option to rearrange our death perception. That’s one of the many options contracts that we have within ourselves. I just hope that you accept that if you don’t exercise your option, it will one day expire. Just like you. Just like me.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Dating: The Exotica Experiment

2000-02-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

Challenging yourself to take risks can be exhilarating, especially when it comes to “winning friends and influencing people.” However, the experimental process of finding your own style of approaching mysterious strangers can be rather discouraging. Have you ever gone up to a woman, told her she was beautiful, and asked her out? I tried it once and it was an interesting, eye-opening experiment — The Exotica Experiment.

In November 1998, I was determined to approach and ask out the most exotic-looking young woman on the campus. I called her, the subject of my experiment, Exotica. During the two weeks I spent planning the experiment, I asked a few female friends what would impress them if a guy approached them. Using that information, I came up with an ideal dialogue and actually rehearsed it using the acting skills I had learned the previous semester in Theatre 120.

A week before Thanksgiving break, I finally approached Exotica, thereby beginning the experiment. What a chaotic experience! I was extremely nervous and acted like a complete schmuck. This was because the pedestal I once placed her on had gradually risen higher and higher during those two weeks of planning. Memorizing my lines didn’t help either.

There’s more. I assumed I knew Exotica’s actual name because a fellow resident life employee thought he worked with her. I also assumed that she remembered seeing me during the past two semesters. Well, all my assumptions were wrong.

After introducing myself and finding out her real name, I said, “I want you to know that I think you’re beautiful and would you like to have lunch with me sometime?” I spoke to her sincerely. I also stuttered. So, did she agree to have lunch? Surprisingly, yes! So, Exotica called over to her sister who was nearby and asked about the upcoming Thursday. I assumed she was just asking her secretarial sibling for scheduling assistance. Nevertheless, the lunch date was set.

You won’t believe what happened that Thursday at 1 p.m. First, they were a few minutes late. Yes, her sister and roommate were joining us for lunch, as well as a male friend who was already in The Diner. It wasn’t going to be an intimate lunch date, but a small convention, and apparently, I was the special guest speaker. Additionally, Exotica didn’t remember my name and her roommate ended up sitting directly across from her at our table.

Despite all the oddities, I calmly accepted these surprises and we began what would be a 20-minute luncheon. Exotica was shy, but kind, and she held a relatively good conversation, as did her three guests. I couldn’t eat anything during the entire experience: I felt like a geek hanging out with the popular kids.

On one occasion during lunch, I was appropriately giving Exotica’s sister my full attention while she was talking. All of a sudden, during her final comment, she violently jerked her head towards Exotica, who was sitting next to her. It appeared as though Exotica’s sister was non-verbally communicating, “Hey buddy, don’t look at me, look at my sister. You college guys always pay more attention to me than to Exotica.” Was she attempting to help me out? Very interesting.

Anyway, Exotica and the gang finished eating. When we were left alone to say goodbye, I asked her if she would “like to try again by having lunch one-on-one.” Her response was an indifferent, “Sure,” so I asked her if she was sincerely interested in the invitation. She responded with a bit more enthusiasm, asking me if I wanted her phone number, so in turn, my response was, “Sure.” Exotica gave me her real number.

That Sunday, I called Exotica and left a voice mail before leaving for the holiday break. Upon my return a week later, I called again and left yet another voice mail, but she didn’t respond to either message. Three days later, surprised to see her walking past my home away from home, Ellicott Hall, I confidently approached Exotica, and said hello.

Exotica was indirect with me, so I questioned her about her elusive behavior. After I repeated, “There must have been a reason why you didn’t call me,” she chose the second reason I previously supplied, “Not interested,” and walked off.

After she left, I stood there smiling. I had just been harshly manipulated and rejected, but I had finally completed the experiment.

Despite the absurdities of the experiment, I did learn a few practical lessons for meeting new women: No. 1, be spontaneous (don’t think too much). No. 2, be natural (don’t act!), and especially, No. 3, take a hint when you’re given one (don’t deny indifference).

I also learned that social interactions cannot be forced and that both chemistry and similar personalities can help in leading us to harmonious coupling. I’m not only thinking of compatible levels of intelligence and sense of humor, but of self-esteem, confidence and inner peace.

Combined, these five traits make us the fittest players attempting to survive the human game of dating. Similarly, animals (even the most exotic ones) have their own dating game and they too, can make mistakes. But only we can laugh about ours. Thanks for the laughs, Exotica.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column runs alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Boy, do you all need therapy

2000-02-11T18:45:00.001-08:00

During high school, they never said, “Jared, you need help.” They just said, “Jared, you’ve got problems.”

Well, four years later, I’m happy to admit that during the fall of 1998, I finally sought therapy to confront those problems. For an hour and a half each week for three months, a therapist helped me escape the daily stressors of life.

Instead of remaining in this chaotic, fast-paced college world, I was allowed to spend those precious moments learning about my personality and the powerful therapy I was reluctantly investing my money in. Thanks to therapy, I was well on my way to becoming a happier person with a new passion in life. That passion, my friends, was for the very thing I paid for that semester: massage therapy.

It all started when my friend, Heather, persuaded me to sign up for a massage class at the University Health Center. The class met once a week at the Campus Recreation Center and was lead by Geoff Gilbert, a certified massage therapist, who shared amazing information with us about the power of human contact and massage. He also taught relatively easy, but surprisingly effective, massage techniques to use in combating stress.

During the semester, I feared failing Draper’s infamous “Introduction to Finance” class, and so, I was experiencing high levels of stress and low self-esteem. The first class of my major ailed me, but surprisingly, taking the massage class helped me cope with the stress.

Massage was so influential because the knowledge we gained and the skills we applied during those sessions were simply phenomenal. Before our very eyes, while working with a partner, we would gradually heal each other from the stress in our lives. Whether we were giving or receiving 15-minute massages during the class, we were able to release the evil effects of stress from deep within ourselves.

Not only did we learn hands-on that massage fights stress, we also found out that massage can help EVERYONE by reducing the symptoms of depression, headaches and PMS. Additionally, Geoff once told us about a study involving college women with eating disorders. These discontented women actually felt better about their bodies after they received 12 consecutive weekly massages. Massage can alter and improve self-esteem, too. That’s some powerful stuff.

For those of you who haven’t experienced an effective massage, let me tell you what it feels like. For me, it’s often like being at the beach on a warm, summer night, sharing an intoxicating kiss with a young woman I’m crazy about, while finding out that I was only one correct answer away from an “A” in Draper’s class. Basically, it’s the second best thing to [pure bliss]. Surprisingly though, a great massage can also leave you feeling energized.

During the same semester, Heather and I saw Geoff at a Terrapin football game and he told us that both the health center and the Department of Health and Human Performance were hopeful that our massage class would be offered regularly for credit.

Six months later, the course was finally offered for three credits during the 1999 summer session and this newborn class was the most sought after in the health department. During the summer, I wanted to register for a fall HLTH 498A class, so I checked SEATS on a daily basis. To my surprise, it wasn’t offered. This summer, however, HLTH 498A is once again here to stay, but I’ll be long gone. Who knows when it’ll be offered during the fall and spring.

I suppose it’s difficult to implement a regularly scheduled course where classmates interact primarily by touching each other. Also, I understand that human contact will often be controlled in order to prevent crimes like assault, but if a massage is given properly and with good intentions, everyone can win. That’s why friends of mine who have taken the health center’s massage class continue to support it and why some of them have taken it more than three times.

The more students take a massage class on campus, the more they will be able to protect themselves from stress after graduation. Geoff once challenged us to commit ourselves to using these “life skills” for the rest of our lives to experience the long-term psychological benefits of massage.

During his first HLTH 285 class each semester, Dr. Schiraldi, instructor of the best courses I’ve taken here, recommends that students “recreate without guilt.

Forgive me, Schiraldi, for I have sinned; it has been 12 months since my last massage class. This semester, though, I am renewing my faith in massage therapy. I will no longer deny myself the power of massage simply because of the excuse “I don’t have time.”

If you are seriously considering taking the massage class on campus this semester, but feel as though you can’t handle the time commitment, imagine how productive, relaxed and energized you’ll feel after spending a good two hours in therapy. Hey, if you can acknowledge that you aren’t completely protected from stress, you have succeeded in taking the first step in preventing this self-induced suffering.

Now, take the next step before you do any more damage. See a massage therapist because frankly, you need help.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major. His column will appear alternate Fridays. He can be reached at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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Their world v. Our world

1999-08-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

One of the most significant aspects of our college years is supposedly preparing for what parents and teachers have often called the Real World. The big picture they’ve been emphasizing, however, is not the Real World that exists today, but the Real World that exists after we graduate. Therefore, we’ve been influenced to focus primarily on the future. And so, while we experience this undergraduate process, some of us become so distracted that we often disregard the current Real World.

Information leads to knowledge, and never before has it been so readily available. By using computers, television, newspapers, and radio, we can become informed and educated about situations and developments outside our Maryland campus. But what do some of us do instead of using these sources for knowledge? We forward old jokes via e-mail on the computer, watch sitcom reruns on TV, find the cartoon section in the paper, and listen to our favorite radio stations.

Comparatively speaking, current events from the Real World that aren’t brought up in conversation in dining halls or at parties are apparently of little importance to students. They are more concerned about their classes, relationships and personal experiences. Even if they hear out about a scandal, triumph or tragedy, students have other things on their minds. Passing an exam, mending a broken friendship, and making plans for the weekend are already quite a number of things to consider. Crashes, shootings, and bombings aren’t really important compared to the tragedy of having to take a class over again, losing a friend, and having a boring weekend.

It seems selfish, but some students can only do so many things with the lifestyles they choose and the resources that go along with them. Time is the most important resource, with effort coming in second. College students often seem like they are fighting the clock. And if they’re going to do something, it will probably be in their best interests.

Ask an average student what his or her best interests are and they will tell you that having fun is at the top of the list. After sitting in classes all day and listening to professors share their views on policies and theories, the chances of being able to sit in front of the television and take an active role in watching the six o’clock news will be slim. Who wouldn’t want to “veg” out and watch another silly episode of “Seinfeld” instead?

Students simply prioritize when considering what’s best for them. Getting good grades, having relationships, keeping in shape, having fun, and determining career plans are some of the most popular priorities of students. How can a California earthquake realistically relate to their lives at this point in time? Unless friends or family live out there, what happens in California is trivial compared to the traffic a commuter student is going to have to face at night.

We could show compassion about the experiences that people go through and the lives that are forever changed, but we don’t have much time to reflect on their misfortunes. Even if we had more time, we may not even make more of an effort to consider their lives. Hell, we don’t have enough time to consider every aspect of our own lives.

And we’re still college kids, no matter what the law says. We may be responsible for our actions, but while we’re finishing up our teenage years and beginning our twenties, it’s apropos that we’re talking about movies and concerts rather than economics and politics. Is it really necessary to change our personal preferences when it comes to current events?

Unless we’re taking a class that requires knowledge of the current Real World or we have a relationship with someone who does have that knowledge, there is nothing wrong with disregarding the present as long as the future remains in mind. We won’t be conditioned to never consider Real World events after graduation. After we leave campus, we’ll be immersed with national and international news and events.

For now, while we work on determining what to do with our futures, the important news is whether or not a movie theater will exist on campus this fall and if the fountain on McKeldin Mall will have running water by the beginning of the semester.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major presently spending the summer in NYC. Reach him at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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'The RA on duty'

1999-08-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

It’s 11PM on a Saturday night and there’s a knock at the door. The music continues to play loudly while you and your ten guests huddle in a circle while considering what to do next. You lower the music, go to the door and ask, “Who is it?” It’s the RA on duty. What do you do?

The first time a new student may learn about the Resident Assistant position could be during one of their numerous orientations. For others, their first time may be during an incident that entails violations of Resident Life policy.

This fall, I will be a third-year RA living on campus for my fourth and final year. Throughout the last four semesters, I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing many incidents and the unique student residents and guests involved.

Depending on a student’s experience with RAs, several generalizations will be made about the Resident Life position. During the time that I’ve spent at Maryland, I’ve learned about the three most popular misconceptions about being an RA.

Myth #1: “RAs receive free room and board.” This idea is created by either a poor choice of words or the belief that RAs simply do not do very much. Either way, if this myth was true, it would also be rational to say that RAs work for free and that they volunteer their time and effort while participating in an extensive community service.

It is correct that the student accounts of RAs are credited for room and board, but they do work for this compensation. Nothing in life is free.

Myth #2: “RAs enjoy confronting and documenting students.” This generalization is created and spread throughout campus by students that were inconveniently confronted by an RA, or by the students’ friends that heard about the incident. Showmanship influences perception. There are probably RAs that appear to be unyielding, who seem to enjoy “writing up” as many students as possible for even the most insignificant Resident Life policy violations. Realistically, when students are found committing a violation by an RA, they will often feel threatened and guilty. This response leads to projection. The guilty party places the blame and therefore criticizes the RA.

All RAs are responsible for stopping certain behaviors. These behaviors lead to those violations, which are listed in the “Community Living Handbook.” How an RA chooses to approach a situation stems from their own personal style of conflict management. Some styles can be viewed as unnecessary and inappropriate, especially when the violator is inebriated.

No RA wants to wake up at three in the morning to confront and document a situation, but they will do it. And when it’s done, it will not be a pleasure.

Myth #3: “The RA position is just a job.” Not exactly. Yes, there is a job description and the position is viewed as such by Resident Life, but ask any RA, and they will tell you something different. Being an RA is a lifestyle, not just a part-time job. As long as an RA is anywhere on campus, they remain a employee and representative of Resident Life. Even once they leave their residence hall and community, they will be responsible as an RA. The only way to escape such responsibility is to get away from the bricks by physically leaving campus.

The plethora of days and nights being on-duty, weekly meetings, and vacations cut short due to training add to such a lifestyle. Administrative and disciplinary work, peer counseling, and programming contribute as well.

A weekly minimum of 20 hours of work is required by Resident Life, but the actual amount of time spent doing RA responsibilities will vary. There can be days or even weeks without much work, but there can be times where quantitative overload is created.

Combined with the academic, personal, physical, professional, and social aspects of an RA’s life, the position can add to the student’s daily stress. By the time some RAs become seniors, this supposed part-time job has taken its toll and they want out. No wonder the job turn-over rate is so high.

These myths may not faze some RAs, but they affect the amount of respect, cooperation, and consideration given to them by their peers. Confronting a student who believes that we get free room and board in exchange for solely getting students in trouble will be intimidated by us.

RAs are students, too. We’ve agreed to do our part as stated in our job requirements. Resident Life policies were created and are enforced to maintain a healthy living and learning environment for those residents who choose to reside on campus. And that is the truth.

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major presently spending the summer in NYC. Reach him at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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AOL: You had me at 'hello'

1999-07-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

"Welcome!" AOL Instant Messenger has been both beneficial and detrimental in the lives of millions of people. It has allowed them to effortlessly, conveniently and comfortably, create, maintain, and develop relationships. However, depending on one's self-discipline and views of chatting online in moderation, relationships can be created, maintained, and developed with too much effort, inconvenience, and discomfort.

Sure, Instant Messenger is a lot of fun. From the start, you create your own screen name, if it doesn't already exist. Then, you set up your buddy list, including the screen names of people you know. You can have nearly one hundred buddies categorized on your list. Choosing your personal preferences comes next and the options are numerous. You can even set up your chat sessions with your favorite styled text and background color. Finally, you're ready for the real fun.

You can communicate with people who have the program anywhere in the world. Keep in touch with your friends and family from home, or do a short search and find someone online in Australia. The possibilities are endless. The latest version of IM even allows you to share computer files. Nevertheless, the significance of the program is the communication aspect. Whoever said "You can't have too much of a good thing" was wrong. You certainly can, but it just may not be good.

AOL Instant Messenger can be a wonderful application, but it can also be unhealthy if you become addicted to it. As nice as IM is with its ease of use, free membership, and convenient and comfortable chatting capabilities, such attractiveness can make someone dependent on it.

Imagine a student returning to their room after a long day of class. First, he checks his voicemail. Then he checks his e-mail. And finally, he goes for it: he accesses his buddy list to see who's online. (If he had left the program running during the day, an away message could have been posted to notify other users as to where he went.) So, the student does see a few of their buddies listed online, and oh, what the hell, he'll just say hello.

It would be nice if they sent a quick hello to one person on their list, but sometimes a simple hello can develop into a long, drawn out chat session. And if more than one person is sent such an invitation to chat, imagine the number of hours that could be spent sitting at a computer monitor. Unfortunately, the machine becomes a technical IV, slowly feeding information to the student while maintaining their dependency. Why does this happen? AOL IM is such a wonderful program that some users never get enough of it. Tolerance is not a consideration for it doesn't exist.

Instant Messenger is so convenient and easy to use that it can become a dangerous procrastination tool. Take another student, who takes a study break every time she hears a buddy get online, wants to ask a friend a quick question, or decides to send a brief smile to a family member. Eventually she gets back to what she was doing, but an hour of her life has already passed her by. The quick emotional high she may get from sending several hellos isn't what feeds the addiction, though. It's the amount of time spent chatting that feeds it.

It's the 90s. I know a guy who met a girl on campus and gave her both his phone number and AOL screen name. She eventually sent him one of those AOL hellos. After two months, they were still chatting online, never having gotten past their monitors because it was a very safe way for her to communicate. If chatting online is preferred over speaking on the telephone, conflict can occur. Sure, some people express themselves better by typing out words at their convenience than having to actually speak to someone at a normal rate of speed. Having AOL as an option to communicate conditions people to avoid using the telephone and users become even more dependent. AOL begins as a convenient form of communication, but often becomes an inefficient and ineffective way to maintain relationships with people.

One-hour of chatting online equals about fifteen minutes speaking on the phone or in person. This is due to users waiting for responses, needing to fix typos, and typing slowly. There are also miscommunications. If you thought e-mails sometimes project mixed messages, imagine the conflict that can occur in chat sessions. Questions can be answered a few moments too late and comments could have double meanings. After ten minutes of determining what was originally implied, the participants may be back to where they started: at hello.

The solution to avoiding the problem of AOL addiction is to limit the amount of time spent online. Additionally helpful is selecting a certain number of buddies that you want to chat with the most. "So easy to use, no wonder it's number one" is their slogan. However, AOL Instant Messenger is so good, no wonder it took me two years to come clean, break the habit, and send it to the recycle bin. "Goodbye!"

Jared Meyer is a senior finance major presently spending the summer in NYC. Reach him at jmmeyer@wam.umd.edu.

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